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My Greatest Achievement - With A Free Essay Review



I grew up in Colombia a country where topics such as violence, drugs, and war are daily news. However, my childhood was joyful, my parents were always supporting and caring. They raised me regardless the difficulties. I graduated from high school in 2000, and that was a significant accomplishment for me, and my family, given that my parents never graduated.

After I graduated I started working towards my next goal getting a degree. Because I know that it is one of the tools I need in order to be successful, so following my plan I needed to find a job to pay for my tuition, so I started working in the mornings and then I attended school in the afternoon. The job did not pay much, but it was enough to pay for my expenses and my college tuition. Not long after, I lost my job and I had to reconsider what I was going to do, so I decided to leave the country.

I came to the United States seven years ago looking for better opportunities, but soon after I realized that the “American dream” requires sacrifices and hard work. I enrolled in non-credit English classes at Miami Dade College while I was working in the mornings. I needed to make money in order to pay my expenses and send money to my mother in Colombia, but the money I was making was not enough to cover all my expenses, so I decided once again drop out of school and find a part time job. Since then I have been making excuses for not going back to school.

Finally after some paradigm shift, I enrolled Miami Dade College to pursue my bachelor degree. My greatest achievement has been to overcome procrastination. Sometimes is not what one has achieved, but how one gets there what it has to be done in order to overcome obstacles and achieve those dreams.

I have learned that it is never too late when people want to improve themselves and work towards their goals. There is no excuse for anyone not to fulfill his or her dreams.

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ESSAY REVIEW

The title of your essay is "My Greatest Achievement." Typically, a reader ought to be able to tell at least by the second paragraph of such an essay what the greatest achievement being discussed is. You don't tell us until the fourth paragraph. I think that would still be acceptable if everything in your essay had been leading up to the statement "My greatest achievement has been to overcome procrastination," but only in a very indirect could your first three paragraphs be said even to relate to, never mind positively anticipate, that statement. Essentially, your writing an essay about your educational and work history. That's an interesting story, but if it has anything to do with your struggle with procrastination, your essay is largely silent on the point. You do say that you were once "making excuses for not going back to school" but that's as close you come to articulating the specific nature of the problem you overcame, and it's not entirely clear that that problem is unequivocally one of procrastination.

If you really want to write an essay about your greatest achievement, and you really want "overcoming procrastination" to be that achievement, then you need to specify in much greater detail:

(1) how you procrastinated and how it impacted your life,

(2) why you needed to overcome the problem, and

(3) how you overcame the problem.

You do refer to a “paradigm shift,” but that's an empty, meaningless phrase, albeit one that apparently every college-educated person feels obliged to use at least once in the course of their academic carreer. (Thomas Kuhn has a lot to answer for.) It takes work to explain the nature of the challenge you faced and the way in which you overcame it. Do that work, undertake to explain those things with honesty and clarity, and you will have an essay about your greatest achievement. (Hopefully, if you haven't been procrastinating, you still have time to do that! Unfortunately, I have been procrastinating a bit on my response, so I'm sure that doesn't help matters. Sorry about that.)

After you mention your greatest achievement, your essay grinds platitudinously to a close. here is no excuse for that! If you want to finish up with some juicy generalizations, then it would be great if you could replace those final sentences with some actual insights into the nature of procrastination and how it can be overcome. The factual elements of your story are compelling, but you don't do your story justice when you resort to the usual banalities and cliches as a way of summing up its import.

Best, EJ.
Submitted by: dianazu83
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