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Tell Us Anything Else You Want Us To Know About Yourself - With A Free Essay Review



PROMPT: Tell Us Anything Else You Want Us To Know About Yourself That You Haven't Had The Opportunity To Describe Elsewhere In The Application.

Ever since I have had knowledge or use of reason, I have this innate inclination toward the arts of drawing: such as landscapes and real life, computer-aided, abstract, and technical/ schematics drawings. At early childhood, I discovered that I excelled in the ability to draw and solve math problems with ease, quicker than my peers and sometimes, my teachers. After I had mastered this vocation to a comfortable degree of familiarity, I became interested into more challenging drawing projects such as real life and technical drawings. It was then when I began to observe different artistic disciplines by researching past artists/drafters and how they developed these skills, by investigating the techniques, tools, materials and procedures used in these industries. This experience gave me a competitive edge to excel even more by combining the two concepts I know best which are math and drawing. In view of these aptitudes, I have developed a strong desire to pursue a professional career in structural engineering. Much of my learning does not just come from schooling, but through integrity and the desire to learn. I am eager to join the school’s clubs/ organizations to support it and to progress and more develop my skills.

____________________________________________

ESSAY REVIEW

The people who write these prompts are, I think, deliberately mischievous, prompting applicants to talk endlessly about themselves in glowing terms and then, in all likelihood, punishing them for blatant self-promotion. Negotiate the treacherous terrain that these universities force you to traverse with caution. Say what you have done, but don't assess how well you have done it. Instead of "I excel at X," write "I enjoy X and I've worked hard at it." The general rule is show don't tell. There is no upside to saying "I am good at math and drawing" or "I am a person of integrity." There is marginal upside to saying "I try to be a person of integrity." There is only upside to saying "I work hard to improve my knowledge of mathematics and my ability to draw and design." There is even more upside if you can demonstrate the consequences of your efforts, but not if that demonstration is limited to vague protestations of your artistic genius or mental acuity. If you've exhibited your artwork, you can mention that. If you get As in math, you can mention that. If you think you make Ed Witten and Pablo Picasso look like dilettantes, you can mention that too, but only to your priest or your mother.

Best, EJ.
Submitted by: yady_o8
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Comments
Panli19
+12

Hello,

Ever since I have had knowledge sounds ridiculous. Use something more precise like since the age of 7 (that's when I started to have memory).

Excelling at drawing at early childhood seems like an overstatement, so is solving math problems quicker than your teacher, assuming you're still talking about kindergarten. Too much exaggeration makes you lose your credibility.

I really don't know why you are confident in your mathematical skills, because from my ponit of view, all I know is in kindergarten, you could solve math problems faster than your teachers. I don't know if there is a word count, because you either need to support yout statement about your interest/skills in mathematics more or not mention it at all.

The first half of your last sentence is really vague, the second half doesn't make much sense, in addition to being vague. In any case, your conclusion doesn't provide a sense of closure to your essay, whether this sense is neede I don't know.

The essay as a whole feels vague. Some proper nouns (like names of the artists you researched or how your pursued your interest outside of school or names of the clubs you wish to contribute to) are desperately needed to strengthen your arguments.

One last thing, usually people pursue a career in something because they like it, not because they are good at it.

Good luck with your application,
Li
January,03 2012

Rate Comment:
Yady_o8
+1

I do have a word count, 200 words. Thanks for the comment.
January,05 2012

Yady_o8
+1

Can you give me advice on how I can make it less vague? I can't really say much with 200 words. Or should I completely change my topic. And I do like the career I'm persuing.
January,05 2012

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