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City Vs. Rural Life - With A Free Essay Review



PROMPT: Some people prefer to settle down and start a family in a rural area. Other people prefer the convenience of the big city. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Some people prefer to live and settle down in a city while other people prefer to settle down in a rural area. They base their opinion on different examples and reasons such as the in a country the air is fresh with no pollution. In my opinion I prefer to live in a city rather than to live in a rural area. I base my opinion on my experience, different reasons and examples listed below.

First of all, living in a city can be very convenient and comfortable. I have been living in a city my entire life. I have experienced that living in a city is very comfortable. There is a lot of facilities in a city such as supermarkets and many different types of shops. You can find and buy whatever you need whenever you need it. In addition to that, the city provides all the people with other facilities they need such as hospital and schools which are vital and important for the community.

Moreover, the city has nightlife in contrast with the rural areas. In a city you are not obliged to sleep when the sun sets.

There are clubs and restaurants in a city where people can enjoy their nights with family and friends. The lights in a city are not off during the night so it does not matter whether you continue your day or sleep during the night.

Finally, the means of transportation in city is convenient and reliable. Almost all families rent or own a car so they can go to their destinations easily using streets and roads in the city. In addition, you can use buses or trains which are always available for everyone

In conclusion, I like to settle in a city rather than to live in a rural area. This is because I think that the city provides me with better services and facilities such as good transportation, educational services and medical services. Since the city satisfies all my needs I prefer to live in a city.

________________________________________

ESSAY REVIEW

You ask in the comment about grading the essay. Sorry, but I don't do that sort of thing. But here's a few things you could do or avoid to give yourself a better chance of getting the highest grade.

1. Don't repeat the prompt in the first sentence of your essay.

2. Don't write a vague thesis statement: "I base my opinion on my experience, different reasons and examples listed below." In your thesis statement, actually state the reasons. I.e., something like: I prefer to live in a city because services are accessible and because I enjoy the available entertainments.

3. In your first paragraph as it stands, the only sentence that's not wasting your reader's time is the one beginning with the words "In my opinion." The words "in my opinion," however, are themselves not necessary here; in fact, they are almost never necessary; if you are offering someone else's opinion, of course, then you need to specify that fact. Of course, that's just my opinion. But you already knew that! Sorry for wasting your time.

4. Try to avoid writing essays that are one-sided. You talk here only about the advantages of the city; you say nothing about the disadvantages of living in a city, and next to nothing about the advantages of living in rural areas. A good way to avoid writing essays that are one-sided is to try to imagine what someone who disagrees with you would say, and then explain why you think differently.

Best, EJ
Submitted by: abd_963
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Comments
Abd_963
+1

EJ can you grade this essay according to the following rubric? http://www.ets.org/Media/Tests/TOEFL/pdf/Independent_Writing_Rubrics_2008.pdf
December,28 2011

Abd_963
+1

Thanks for reviewing the essay but I have a small question.
In point 4 you said I have to try to avoid writing essays that are one-sided. What should I include so that the essay will not be one sided?
Can I for example write about the disadvantages of a rural or compare the rural with the city? Because I cannot write a paragraph that shows the disadvantages of the city because it will disagree with the thesis statement.
December,30 2011

Abd_963
+1

EJ can you also just comment on the whole essay something like good, bad, average because I really want to know my level in writing and I do not want to post this essay into another site
December,30 2011

Panli19
+12

I took toefl 2 years ago and got 28 in writing.
I think your mastery of the language is good enough for a decent score, maybe between 20 and 25.
However, you didnt develop your thoughts very well. right now, your essay feels like a list of merits of the city.
December,30 2011

Rate Comment:
Abd_963
+1

Thank you Panli19 for your review but could you tell me how can I develop my thoughts more? What can I add to make the essay better?
December,31 2011

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