ESSAYJUDGE


Free Essay Reviews

EssayJudge.com is a free education resource for students who want help writing college essays.

SIGN UP to post your essay and get expert feedback from a professor.



Recent Essays

February 17

December 10

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16
Post your essay. Get expert feedback. For free.
We're trying to help students improve their writing the hard way. Do you know students who want critical essay reviews from a professor of English Literature? Click like to share. Click here to sign up and post your own essay. We offer no paid services. All reviews are completely free.
Hard Work: Essay On The Role Of Work And Luck In Success--with A Free Essay Review



--please scroll down for a review of this essay--

In media people commonly read about the success stories of famous people. They can be a musician, writer, politician or scientist. They also tell their stories in public or write autobiographies. How these people became so successful is an important question. Is it because they are lucky or worked hard? Working hard is an important factor but not enough. People come up with many opportunities, meet different people in their network and most importantly they don't have a luxury to miss their chances. People create their own chances not only by working hard but most importantly with luck.

Success stories always start in difficult situations like lazy student, unabled sporter or fired businessman. These people become successful over time after all of these. They have a great chance and they never miss that chance to become who they are. Steve Jobs, the CEO of Apple, was fired from his company, but then he had a chance to start new company and he used it. People have to use their chances to become successful with the help of luck.

Also people need to have faith. Believing is psychologically important for people. They can motivate themselves and also become ambitious about their desires. Also life is full of miracles and people never know what future they will have. Sometimes wrong choices lead to a magnificent stories. People with such miracles say it is all about desire and say if you really want something all the universe collaborates.

Successful people are also lucky people. They are lucky because they had a chance to become successful and luckily they use their chance. Working hard makes someone become good at their job, but luck makes them best.



Essay Review

Language. I have silently corrected several minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement (it’s “people meet” not “people meets”; and “the universe collaborates” not “the universe collaborate”); another common error was article usage (so note where I’ve deleted or added “the” or “a/an”). I deleted “are” from your third sentence: “They are … tell” will always be incorrect. The simple present is “they tell.” The continuous present (aka present continuous) is “they are telling.” In paragraph 2, I added “when there is” to the first sentence. As you know “a lazy student” is not a “situation.” Sadly, from the same sentence, I deleted the phrase “unabled sporter.” I love the sound of the phrase and wish we inhabited a world in which it had meaning. Perhaps you mean “injured athlete.” Other impenetrable phrases or sentences have also been deleted.

Argument. Concerning the last sentence of the opening paragraph: The ideas that a) people create their own chances, and b) people are successful because of luck appear to be mutually contradictory. Although your point about taking advantage of good fortune will become a little clearer later in the essay, this sentence does not communicate effectively that central idea and will confuse your reader.



The final sentence of the second paragraph ends with the phrase “with the help of luck,” but you have not provided a strong example of luck being of help. Did you mean to suggest that the opportunity Jobs got to start a new company was an instance of luck? I think such a claim would need to be substantiated. Other extraordinary claims that are presented without evidence (e.g., “life is full of miracles”) should probably just be deleted, assuming your task is to present an argument, rather than a belief.



Generally, your essay relies inordinately on assertion rather than reason, so that your central claim about the relevance of luck to the success of some people is not very compelling. To make it compelling, perhaps you ought to begin with a different observation: Hard work is important, but often not enough to ensure success. However, you will still need solid examples of mere good fortune contributing to success. Your point about successful people taking advantage of opportunities they encounter is well taken. Give an example of that, an example, say, of someone being in the right place at the right time, and seizing the opportunity.



A quotation to ponder:



I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

--Ecclesiastes 9:11 (King James Version)



Like many, I first came across the quotation reading Geoge Orwell’s, “Politics and the English Language.” Worth looking up if you don’t know it, and available online here: http://www.mtholyoke.edu/acad/intrel/orwell46.htm



Best, EJ.
Submitted by: ordinaryus
Tagged...



Comments
Mavery1
+1

I think you have a nice start. I would be clearer in your opening paragraph.

"In media people commonly read about the success stories of the famuous peoples. They can be a musician, writer, politician or scientist. They are also tell their stories in public also write autobiogrophies."

When I read this I'm not sure who "they" are. Later on I realize you mean famous people but if you clarify that in the second sentence I think it would make for a smoother read. Also it's spelled autobiographies.

Hope it helps!
August,10 2011

Rate Comment:
Admin
+41

Thank you for posting this essay. Your essay review (written by The Essay Judge) has been embedded in your post above. If you like the essay or find something helpful here please click the Like Button . Upvote good comments. And “Pay it Forward” by leaving a comment on this or another essay!

Thanks.
August,12 2011

Rate Comment:
Ordinaryus
+1

Thank you for reviewing my essay. It is really helpful for my toefl preperation. Thans for all your attention
August,14 2011

Log In to post a comment.