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Wilmington Essay - With A Free Review
Please respond to the following prompt thoughtfully in no more than 200 words. Please describe why you are interested in attending UNC Wilmington.
UNCW provides an atmosphere that welcomes all. The diverse but small environment is what draws me to Wilmington. It has been my dream to attend this school ever since my first tour. As soon as I stepped on campus, I knew that this was going to be my home for a period of my life. Not only was the campus beautiful, but the upbeat personality of the student guides further solidified my thoughts on UNCW as a whole. After doing research I concluded that this institution is not all about the education but about the experience of going to college as well. Countless student organizations allow a sense of belonging to develop in every pupil. I wish to attend the University of North Carolina at Wilmington to be a part of this elite group who get to carefully cross the bridge between high school and starting a life and career by learning from caring professors and being surrounded by others who share a common love for UNCW.
This is a fairly vague and somewhat platitudinous response to the prompt. I'm not an expert in what admissions folk like to see (which is why this site is really more suitable for those submitting actual essays), but I suspect this would be classed as a "safe" response; i.e., the kind of thing most people will write. Yours appears to be error-free, which is good, but perhaps not enough to make your essay stand out. If you are confident in the quality of your application as a whole (i.e., if your credentials are solid), then a safe option is not necessarily a bad option. If you need to rely to some extent on this statement to help sway the decision your way, then you may want to try write something more likely to differentiate you (a strategy that can of course be risky).
Note: if you are keeping the sentence that begins "After doing research etc.," then you need to change "all" to "only" to avoid sounding as though you would not like going to a school that emphasized education. (All schools like to think of themselves as emphasizing education, and they like to hope that their students appreciate that fact.). You might also consider how seriously you should treat the prompt's injunction to respond "thoughtfully"; doing that might mean, for instance, explaining the value of those things you find appealing (diversity, positive personalities, etc.) and how that value is embodied at the school, rather than just announcing your appreciation of such things.