ESSAYJUDGE


Free Essay Reviews

EssayJudge.com is a free education resource for students who want help writing college essays.

SIGN UP to post your essay and get expert feedback from a professor.



Recent Essays

February 17

December 10

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16
Post your essay. Get expert feedback. For free.
We're trying to help students improve their writing the hard way. Do you know students who want critical essay reviews from a professor of English Literature? Click like to share. Click here to sign up and post your own essay. We offer no paid services. All reviews are completely free.
Learning Is Primarily A Matter Of Personal Discipline - With A Free Essay Review



"Learning is primarily a matter of personal discipline; students cannot be motivated by school or college alone. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position."

Going to college or school does not guarantee one will learn; so then what exactly will help students to learn and even stay in school? Is personal motivation solely sufficient to spur the student to pursue education or as the statement implies both personal discipline and college together are important? I agree that college alone is insufficient, one needs to be personally motivated and disciplined in order to learn anything.

Going to school or college is only the first step and academic study is one part of life’s education. Schools and college may impart knowledge and facts but learning is a personal journey depending on one’s desire to acquire knowledge. But in order to achieve and succeed in life applying personal discipline to one’s life is utmost important. Together with self motivation, discipline and focus, school and college can help one to achieve one’s goal.

However, a student’s peers in school or college can be an important part in encouraging and motivating each other to do well. When students have good friends and they study together, students are more motivated to obtain good grades. But if a student is bullied or harassed in school, too often we know such students do not do well in school, underachieve and may be depressed as well. Such students will never be motivated to learn and may even hate their schools or college. Hence, schools or college alone cannot provide motivation or the incentive to want to succeed.

Therefore, although schools and college alone may not motivate students to learn, they are still an important part of students’ life and together with a personal discipline and motivation, learning will be more enjoyable and one can definitely achieve what one has set out to do. - Josie

__________________________________

Essay Review

This essay relies heavily on mere assertion. By the end of the second paragraph, you've let us know only that you think schools impart knowledge, but that "in order to achieve and succeed in life, applying personal discipline to one's life is utmost important." That's an assertion. You don't explain, in other words, why you think personal discipline is more important when it comes to learning than the pedagogical practices or attempts to motivate that may be undertaken by a school or teacher. (In truth, you don’t consider anywhere possible modes of motivation other than self-motivation, which of course prevents you from explaining why they are necessarily inadequate, as your argument would seem to require you to do.) When the prompt asks you to "explain your reasoning," it is asking for this kind of argumentative or reasoned explanation.

Your third paragraph then claims that having good friends as peers can help students be motivated. Again, you don't explain why you think that. You then claim that students who are victims of bullying "will never be motivated." On this occasion, you do offer an implicit reason; you can make the reason explicit, and therefore clearer as such, by linking it to the claim you want to support with the word "because" or "therefore." E.g. "Such students may never be motivated to learn because the experience of being bullied may make them depressed."

Note that I've replaced a unconditional claim ("such students will never be motivated") with a conjecture ("may never be motivated"). Doing that is a good idea when the unconditional claim is essentially unprovable. We have thus made the argument clearer (using the word "because") and less objectionable. Even so, it would be a good idea to consider possible objections to the argument; might it be, for instance, that some bullied students are more motivated to learn in order, say, to outperform their bullies?

In any case, what this paragraph also needs to do is clarify the way in which it is relevant to your position (i.e., you need to follow the last part of the instructions). Your attempt to do this is confined to the last sentence. It is not clear to me that you have demonstrated the truth of that claim precisely. Does it follow from the fact that some students are bullied and that some other students have good friends that schools alone cannot provide motivation? I don't think you've fully explained why that follows.

Best EJ.,

P.S. Please proofread your work before submitting it.
Submitted by: pantry99
Tagged...



There are no comments for this essay.

Log In to post a comment.
















About pantry99