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The Luxuries And Convenieces Of Contemporary Life Prevent People From Developing Into Truly Strong And Independent Individuals. - With A Free Essay Review



Prompt: "The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals. - Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position."

The newest technologies which have been introduced to our daily life since the Industrial Revolution have provided numerous luxuries and conveniences for us. We can use cars for traveling. We can use calculators to do math. We can use televisions to watch videos. We can use automatic textile machines to produce clothes. It is true that we have been intertwined with these tools that help us to solve problems.

Under this circumstance, a wide concern occurs that those luxuries and conveniences may interfere with our development of strength and independence. Technology can shield us from having to deal with difficult things. For example, we don't have to travel by foot if we have a car. We don't have to climb the stairs if there is a elevator. We don't have to read the charts if we get data-analysis software. Many people fear that the conveniences of contemporary life may cause increasing reliance of us on technology. And this may eventually result in dependency and weakness among us.

However, though the conveniences of our contemporary life can help us to solve many problems, there are still plenty of problems left in the world that we need to be prepared to handle and do. Reducing crime rate, building a democratic society, making transportation more safe and global warming are still not completely resolved. People still have to focus their energy and wisdom to cope with those problems.

What's more, the conveniences make our life more efficient and save a lot of time for us. A car means going to office from home in a short time, an automatic textile machine can produce clothes thousands of times faster than a sewer, and Internet provides endless supplies of information. With that free time and supply of information, people can pursue many other things such as arts, astronomy and so on. So to some extent the convenience may provide enhancement for our strengths and independence.

In addition, with the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life, people in the world may discover many new problems that have never been realized before. These new problems may encourage people to improve their strengths. For example, with the invention of telescope, astronomers can observe many types of star like supernovas that can't be seen by eyes. So the previous model of universe has been discarded and people begin to explore the origination of our universe and how it evolves into the current status.

We have been living with lots of luxuries and conveniences for a long time. It is true that to some extent we depend on those conveniences to solve problems in our daily life. But if we make full use of these conveniences and luxuries, we can be very strong and independent. Otherwise, we may be trapped in a stage which is full of weakness and dependency.

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ESSAY REVIEW

Your essay makes a number of relevant assertions and offers several illustrative examples of the ways in which we rely on technology, but the essay typically does not support its assertions and generally does not develop an analysis of the given issue. For example, if we read this essay to discover an answer to the question "In what ways do the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals?," then I think we would be hard pressed to find a fully worked out answer to that question.

You do demonstrate, in your first paragraph, and by way of examples, the existence of specific luxuries and conveniences: cars, calculators, videos, and textile machines. Your second paragraph claims the existence of "a wide concern" over the impact of such luxuries and convenience. Neither of these first two paragraphs are doing what the prompt asks you to do, however, and therefore both are largely unnecessary.

Buried in the middle of the second paragraph, however, is a potentially relevant claim: "technology can shield us from having to deal with difficult things." That claim is not especially relevant in itself, but if it were elaborated into a specific reason for being concerned about the impact on us of luxuries and conveniences, then it certainly would be relevant. To do that, you would need to explain why you think being shielded from difficulties can have a negative effect. You would need, for example, to write something like the following: "Humans learn and grow by struggling through difficulties; our education is by and large a process of trial and error. If we remove the trials by using modern conveniences to shield us from difficulties, then we no longer have any opportunities for growth, and therefore can become weak and dependent on those conveniences." That's not the most exciting argument in the universe, and doubtless not indefectible, but it is unmistakably an argument.

Your fourth paragraph ("What's more, etc.") comes close to articulating a complete argument. You note that conveniences save time, and saved time can be used for interesting pursuits ("arts, astronomy, and so on"). You conclude that time-saving convenience "may provide enhancement for our strengths and independence." To complete that argument, you would need to explain why you think strength and independence are enhanced by the pursuit of art or astronomy or other such activities.

Best, EJ.

P.S. Please note that we now ask students to submit no more than one essay per day.
Submitted by: keyalin
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