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Dreaming Of Pixels - With A Free Essay Review
Prompt: Describe why you are choosing your career in 250 words or less. (243 words)
The world around me is fascinating. Using the lens and viewfinder of a camera are my way of capturing the fascinating scenes around me: capturing the beauty of its nature, its architecture, and the most beautiful of all – its people. The pixels hold my fascination and the world can see itself in the way that I view it. In a way, a photo is my way of communicating with the world.
Since the first time I picked up a disposable camera at the age of nine, I have wanted to show the world how I see it. In the years since, an obsession over everything photography has bloomed. Since I entered the journalism program at my school, it has reached astronomical levels. I now see everything in a new perspective; every moment without a camera in my hand is a moment lost to my memory. If I have learned anything from working on the Journalism staff, it’s that if someone isn’t there to capture a memory, whether it be on film or in writing, it will be like it never happened. I plan on using my life to capture the beautifully important moments of others.
I can picture myself doing nothing else in my life except looking through a lens and capturing the beauty of everything I see. Through the pixels of a photo, I can show the world my perspective and also capture memories, so that is what I plan to do.
This essay is okay as far as it goes, but I don't think it goes far enough; I don't think it says enough about why you want to be a photographer. I can't tell you what else you should say (though I might point out that you really don't say anything about the social value of photojournalism, if photojournalism is what you are interested in) but I presume there is a little more to the matter than what you've communicated here. If there is not, then I would be concerned about your devoting a career to photography, and since the essay currently gives no indication that there is more to it, your reader may also be concerned.
You might rightly object here that you are unjustly limited to a niggardly 250 words with which to explain your career choice, but given that unfortunate fact, your response needs to be itself parsimonious; that is to say, avoid everything that is unnecessary (including and especially every instance of repetition, such as the last paragraph). You should also (and always) avoid everything that is not very meaningful or true (i.e., phrases that are vague and hackneyed, like "I now see everything in a new perspective," or phrases that, like "astronomical levels," are somewhat grotesquely hyperbolic), although doing that won't necessarily reduce your word count, since what you delete will need to be replaced.
Being parsimonious also means, for example, turning the following sentence:
"If I have learned anything from working on the Journalism staff, it’s that if someone isn’t there to capture a memory, whether it be on film or in writing, it will be like it never happened."
into something like:
"Working in Journalism taught me that uncaptured memories are wasted" (I'm using your word here - “memories” - for what gets captured, but it seems a bit odd to me; you might more reasonably say that uncaptured events are like events that never happened). The advantage of such parsimony, if exercised throughout, is that you can then devote a few words to expanding on your ideas, and expanding on ideas will demonstrate to your reader that you've really thought about your chosen profession.