ESSAYJUDGE


Free Essay Reviews

EssayJudge.com is a free education resource for students who want help writing college essays.

SIGN UP to post your essay and get expert feedback from a professor.



Recent Essays

February 17

December 10

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16
Post your essay. Get expert feedback. For free.
We're trying to help students improve their writing the hard way. Do you know students who want critical essay reviews from a professor of English Literature? Click like to share. Click here to sign up and post your own essay. We offer no paid services. All reviews are completely free.
Invisible Children - With A Free Essay Review



Third world countries in Africa have been under attack for over twenty-six years now. Joseph Kony takes advantage of children and uses them against their own will. What Kony is doing is wrong and must be put to an end.

Children all over Africa are dying, being abducted, and used every single day. They're forced to rebel against their own parents and kill them. They have no control over their life, they have no say in what they can and can't do. Innocent children who are scared for their lives, hardly ever eat, and are probably sicker than ever because of battle wounds. These kids need help and we will help them. Kony preaches about Christianity and Acholi beliefs to catch people’s attention. He attacks and enslaves children while they sleep; girls are turned into sex slaves and boys into soldiers. Boy soldiers are forced to mutilate faces of those who don't obey and to kill or enslave anyone who gets in their way, mostly children. Kony and the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army, group name) have captured over 30,000 children. He is the number one man wanted in the world. Kony has no true values for doing any of this, other than for power. To top it off, he has no one who supports him.

So how does a man get away with this for over 26 years? Simple, very few people know. This is where Invisible Children comes into the picture.

Invisible Children is a program founded by Jason Rusell that opens the eyes to thousands every time it is presented. In these presentations he shows videos and personal experiences. Invisible Children uses film, creativity, and social action to end the use of child soldiers in Kony's rebel war and restore LRA-affected community in Africa to peace and prosperity. Invisible Children raises money for all sorts of things including schools, food, but mainly soldiers. The American government will only send soldiers to Africa if they are shown that America wants them there, this means the more money is raised, the greater the awareness of what is going on and the higher chances of soldiers being sent to help. Therefore, raising awareness by presenting helps Invisible Children raise money for troops to be sent to Africa.

Helping out these children in Africa isn't being done for publicity. People help because no child or person should have to go to sleep scared of being abducted. It's done because it is the right thing to do. The outcome of helping these kids is knowing that children’s lives are being saved and that they’re being encouraged to go to school and make something out of themselves, and when asked, that is the best reward anyone could ever ask for.

Many people worry about our U.S troops getting hurt or abducted while being there and this is a valuable argument because although we have a plan, something could go wrong. However, troops are sent to the Middle East every day, over a war that has been going on for years now. Sending troops to Africa for a good cause wouldn't be a drastic change.

At the end of the day we should all want to do the right thing, this being helping out these innocent children. They deserve to have a future just as much as we do. Kony must and will be stopped one day and I want to be able to say that I was one of those people who helped, don't you?

______________________________________

ESSAY REVIEW

You do not include the prompt that this essay was written in response to, or otherwise explain the occasion of the essay, so it is difficult to know whether it has achieved its goals. Moreover, most of the essay is devoted to listing factual claims, which of course is fine for an essay like this where persuading the reader to view a person and an organization in the way you want your reader to view Kony and the LRA necessitates informing us about what the person and organization has done. There's not much to say about a list of factual claims, however, beyond the obvious point that, in this essay, the claims are not supported with documented sources. If you are writing this essay for a teacher who has not requested that you document your sources, you should still document your sources! It's good practice, and your teacher will be impressed that you are exceeding the minimum requirements.

There are a number of relevant facts that are not included in your presentation. For instance, you don't identify any of the countries in Africa that, according to your first sentence, "have been under attack for over twenty-six years now." Since you are writing for a reader who you assume to be unfamiliar with the facts, neglecting to mention where the events are taking place (beyond the vague reference to "countries in Africa" and the clue afforded by the reference to "Acholi" beliefs) seems like a serious problem, especially when you are trying to convince your reader to support the dispatch of troops to deal with Kony and his army.

You also don't mention the indictment of Kony and a few of his cohorts by the ICC (but instead refer vaguely to Kony's being "the number one man wanted in the world,") or the fact that a small number of US troops were sent to Uganda in an advisory role by Obama in 2011. These two facts really ought to be considered in an essay about the need to send troops to Uganda. Your essay would be more persuasive, in other words, if you could demonstrate the inefficacy of attempts to deal with the problem to date. Explain, for instance, why Kony has evaded capture and prosecution. Explain why you think the supporting role played by US troops in Uganda is not a sufficient response to the crisis there.

Best, EJ.
Submitted by: lizzerdlove
Tagged...



There are no comments for this essay.

Log In to post a comment.
















About lizzerdlove