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Some People Prefer To Work In One Company For All Their Career. Others Think It Is Better To Move From Company To Company. - With A Free Essay Review
My father thinks that it is important to work in one company for the entire career because of its advantages whereas some other people think that moving from company to company has more advantages. I find that one of these ways of working is better for me. In the following statements, I will explain the advantages of both situations.
The first point that I would like to make is that there are advantages of working in one company for the entire career. One benefit of this is that people may start with low positions and with low salary. But in years, they may get higher positions at the same company and higher salary in the following years. For example, my friend started to work as a teacher in a private school, in five years, because of the quality of the job he did at the school, he became the director of all teachers.
Though working at the same company has some advantages, moving from company to company has even more advantages. People may have chance to work in different environments and to have different work experiences to be qualified in many areas. Additionally, people may have a lot of friends if they work in different companies. For example, my uncle was always changing his company and working in different sectors like education, industry. He was admirable, as he knew many things about various job areas. He had a lot of friends who can help him in any situation.
To conclude, let me recapitulate the main points of my idea. Some people prefer to work at the same job for years because of the advantages it serve. However, I prefer to work at different companies, move from company to company to have experience in many areas and to have a lot of friends from different companies. I hope that I will use the advantages of moving from company to company in good ways.
Your responses to these prompts tend to be formulaic. I don't know how TOEFL essay graders respond to such essays, but formulaic writing tends to be obvious as such and can be taken as a sign of a novice writer, especially when the formula is such a common place and fairly banal one: Here's what I'm going to say; Here's me saying it; Here's what I just said.
You should probably aim at least to do something a bit more interesting in your conclusion than mere recapitulation; there's no good reason to tell your reader the same thing three times. The last sentence of the final paragraph is the only sentence there that offers something new to the reader. Why not elaborate on that point? Why not explain why you think moving from company to company gives one advantages that can be used in good ways, and illustrate your explanation with a concrete example?
The introductory paragraph is also mostly just an example of a writer going through the motions. It is vague and contributes little of value to the essay as a whole. The first sentence is not much more than a paraphrase of the question, while the thesis statement (the last two sentences of the first paragraph) gives only the vaguest indication of the argument of the essay. Here's a better formula for a thesis statement: I believe x is the case because A, B, C (where A, B, C are reasons for believing X. Here's an even better formula: Although it is true that A, I believe X because B and C (where A is a reason why some might not agree with X, but B and C are better reasons for agreeing with X). The latter formula makes for an argument that is fairly complex, and a sentence with a reasonably complex syntactical structure, both of which are good things and are taken as signs of a more sophisticated writer.
P.S. A number of essays that you submitted at the same time as this have been deleted. Can I ask you to revise (including proofreading) those essays before re-submitting them at a rate of one per day?! I'm afraid I don't have time to review several essays from the same student all at once.