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What Historical Event In Your Country Has Had A Major Effect On Your Country? - With A Free Essay Review





Turkey is a country that was established in 1923. Before its establishment, there was a big empire called the Ottoman Empire that had directed the country by 600 years. As the Ottoman Empire lost its power, Turkish people wanted to found a new country, which would be directed by the citizens of the country. People fought at a lot of wars to rescue the country, and the most important one was the War of Independence that caused enemies to go away.

The first point that I would like to make is that the War of Independence was the most important war in the history of my country. The Ottoman Empire lost its power in the 19th and 20th centuries. Many other nations wanted to take the country. However, Turkish people rescued the country and established a new country, called the Turkish Republic. Turkish people fought at many wars and at last they won the war and rescued the country in the War of Independence.

The second point that I would like to make is that after the War of Independence, there were many changes in the country. Ataturk did many revolutions on different fields, like on people’s clothes, on alphabet, on law. These changes had done to make life easier and to reach the level of modern civilizations. Thus, after the war of independence, people had a more modernized life.

To conclude, let me recapitulate main points of my idea. The war of independence had the major affect in the history of my country: firstly, at the war of independence people rescued the country from enemies, and the period of Ottoman Empire was closed and Turkish republic was established. Secondly, after the War of Independence, many changes were done to make the country more modernized.

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ESSAY REVIEW

It would be a good idea to make your arguments explicit by, for example, explicitly linking your description of the consequence of the war to your claim about the war. I.e., instead of saying that the war was the most important, and then saying in a later sentence it freed the country, say "the war was the most important because it freed the country." Then think whether that's a sufficiently elaborate explanation of the importance of the war. What might have happened if the war had been lost? What positive characteristics does Turkey have today that it would not have if the outcome of the war had been different? How is the importance of the war recognized by the Turkish people? You attempt to answer the second of these question by referencing revolutions in different fields (you refer to Ataturk without introduction, which you should probably not do) that contributed to the modernization of modern Turkey. That seems like a reasonable if underdeveloped claim. The aspects of modernization to which you refer are also very vague. It would be helpful to mention specific changes in the law, for example. It's also not clear in general how changes in clothing constitute "modernization." (If you are referring to the increasing popularity of European clothing over Middle Eastern clothing, then might "westernization" be a more appropriate term?).

Best, EJ.

P.S. We now ask students not to submit more than one essay in any given day. Please also proofread your essays before submitting them.
Submitted by: asli
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