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People's Behaviour Is Largely Determined By Forces Not Of Their Own Making. - With A Free Essay Review
“Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.”
Psychologists have been making continuous efforts to study the causes of the various kinds of behaviour displayed by people all around the world. Although a lot of success has been achieved in this field by experimentation and close observation, the behaviour of a person cannot be exactly predicted on the basis of some rules or laws. The statement states here that people’s behaviour is largely determined by forces that are not of their making. Yes, I agree with this statement to a large extent, that a person’s behaviour is dictated by external forces.
In today’s world, everyone is in a horde to earn loads of money and achieve all the amenities and perks in life. The tension and the work pressure under which a person works often causes stress. The monotonous routine and the overtime done causes a lot of frustration in a person’s life. Let us take the example of a married man who is dead and enervated after a stressful day. There are very slim chances that he returns home, with a humungous enthusiasm and to indulge with his children. Here, although the father would love to engage himself and play a game of basketball with his son, is usually more vulnerable to get exasperated on such a thought. Here, the display of his behaviour is completely governed by his day spent in the office. So the driving force of his behaviour is hardly of his own making. There are frustrations that build up due to other people that vent themselves on the family. This is a major displacement that is often seen in human behaviour.
The effect of external forces can also be observed in many other ways. For e.g. the weather and surroundings plays a very major role in alleviating the spirits of a person. A low spirited person who comes out in a sunny and green ambience is likely to become happy and gay. Similarly, this gloomy and dismayed person may become all the more despondent in a rainy, cloudy and grey weather. Here, we can clearly observe that that the forces which changes a human’s behaviour are hardly of his own making. The person has hardly done anything to exaggerate or abate the low feeling but, it has happened.
There may be exceptional cases where this does not apply. A strong headed person may never let any external force influence his behaviour. There are strict disciplinarians who no matter what happens stick to their dogmatic ways and rituals. This is also manifested in their behaviour. A strict parent may attenuate his anger for the love of his child and give in to the child’s desires. But, at the same time there would be many who would be not willing to change their strict behaviour at any cost. An even headed and sangfroid personality would be calm and placid even in situation which instigate him or frustrate him.
Hence, one can conclude that the a person’s behaviour many a times is driven by forces that are external and not originated by the person himself. Although there may be some exceptions but many fall prey to such external factor that govern their behaviour.
You begin by talking about psychologists, but then abruptly drop that topic so that its relevance to you essay becomes unclear. You state in the first paragraph that you agree "to a large extent" with the prompt, but neither the thesis statement nor the essay as a whole offer reasons in support of that position. Instead, you offer a detailed supporting example, in your second paragraph; such examples can have illustrative or even evidentiary value but a stronger essay would also try to offer general reasons in support of its claim. In the third paragraph, you focus on the influence of the weather on mood which is really only tangentially related to the original claim in the prompt; mood is not the same as behavior, although, of course, you could have argued that mood determines behavior, which is what your third paragraph might in any case be taken to imply (my point is that it is better to state things explicitly rather than implicitly).
Ultimately, the essay as a whole fails, I think, to tackle the main issues relevant to a discussion of the given topic. We like to think, usually, that we are in control of our own behavior, even if we often deny responsibility for our actions. The claim in the prompt is really about the extent to which we are indeed responsible for the things we do given the possible influence of external forces. If I murder someone, is that a matter of my free choice to murder, or do I become a murderer because a series of forces and influences to which I've been exposed since birth lead me inexorably towards my date with the executioner? So you need to think about what external forces might be held to determine our behavior. Of course the weather might be one such force, but thinking about the weather in response to this prompt is a bit like thinking about aerodynamic bicycles when asked about the impact of modern technology on society. You might think, then, about the impact of a child's upbringing, or social group, or education, or religious background, or exposure to popular media and entertainment. And so on.