California "dream" Isn't All What It Has To Offer. (intro)
deeescobar69
" California is a garden of eden, a paradise to live in or see, but believe it or not, you won't find it so hot, if you ain't got the do re mi." Of all the fifty states, california is the only one that has the word "dream" attas own attched to it. California has always been a figment of its imagination, struggling to show forigners the other side of this magnificent state. The california image of beaches,sunshine, celebrities, the high life, doesn't tell the whole story or even most of it. in California always expect the unexpected to pop out of the blue. just when you think you know this state, look a little closer.


Comments

12wangp
+1
Reputation Points

Member Since
Nov 25th, 2009
Umm not sure what your trying to get at here. you have a bunch of spelling/grammar errors in the middle sentences..
March,02 2010

Rate Comment:
Comment Rating: 0
Fouru
0
Reputation Points

Member Since
Mar 14th, 2010
The intro needs a little improvement. You need to be more clear of what your are trying to say. Also correct your spelling and grammer errors. Other than that it's fine
March,14 2010

Rate Comment:
Comment Rating: 0
Justwriting
0
Reputation Points

Member Since
Apr 5th, 2010
I can't get at what you are trying to say, also you have made some spelling and grammar errors. There needs to be more clarity and you should be able to persuade your reader. Work on these and you are fine.
April,05 2010

Rate Comment:
Comment Rating: 0
AB1210
0
Reputation Points

Member Since
May 21st, 2010
If this is a persuasive essay, you're lacking some paragraphs. But i do agree on the topic. really no where is the way tv and other people make it to be. we as people have to go to these places and experience things on our own, making our own mistakes and instead of regretting the decisions you've made, using them as learning experiences to better yourself and your life.
May,21 2010

Rate Comment:
Comment Rating: 0
Kecourier12
0
Reputation Points

Member Since
Jul 7th, 2010
I like how your introduction references specific aspects of California. I agree that California may be different from other states, but you may also want to look at the historical tradition of the move to the west. You may want to reconsider how you call foreigners, as the word has a negative connotation. Maybe immigrants or newcomers?
July,07 2010

Rate Comment:
Comment Rating: 0
Log In to post a comment.
deeescobar69
Comments Posted:
3

Essays Posted:
1

Reputation Points:
+1

Member Since
February, 24th 2010

Recent Activity
September, 8th 2010

About deeescobar69




EssayJudge.com has a Zero Tolerance for Plagiarism!
Please send questions, comments or site feedback to Admin@EssayJudge.com
Site Map