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University Of Pennsylvania Essay (Supplemental Application) How I Will Engage In Academics At Penn - With A Free Essay Review

When I first visited Penn, I was impressed with the fervor that every student had for learning, not just their intended major, but for learning itself. As I walked down Locust Walk, I saw a united student body all proud to be Quakers. I felt like I found my home, a place where I could learn and be involved.

I plan on getting a major in Biological Basis of Behavior. This major appeals to me because it will prepare me for medical school, challenge me, and give me the opportunity to learn about the complex and fascinating field of neuroscience. A challenging major will force me to work harder than I ever have in high school, and this will allow me to grow as a student and a person. I have always found the brain remarkable; a small, grey mass can control every thought, feeling, and action of a human being. The most interesting and terrifying disorders can stem from its malfunctions, and I want to be a part of stopping these ailments. I hope to contribute to the scientific community at Penn by joining the Biological Basis of Behavior Society, Penn Bioethics Society, and Penn Women’s Biomedical Society. I want to be a very involved member to learn more from other students and form bonds with people of similar interests. I also hope to be involved in many other realms of the intellectual community beyond science. I plan on getting a minor in History of Art because I am amazed by the different perspective art can provide on history. I want to learn for the sake of learning something that interests me because learning should never be limited to just the topics needed for your career.

For three years I have longed to be part of the close and dedicated student body at Penn. I hope to contribute to Penn’s intellectual community by being very involved and learning everything I can in a four year period. Penn will provide an educational foundation that will carry on beyond undergraduate school and benefit me for the rest of my life.


Essay Review

I don't really find the first paragraph credible. I've walked on many campuses, and I don't know what it would mean to see a "united student body" or how one would tell whether students were fervent or proud. Still, I suppose one has to say something in an introduction.

The second paragraph seems reasonably good to me. It articulates some of your plans with clarity and specificity, although talk about "grow[ing] as a student and a person" is always going to be vague. The final sentence of the paragraph is awkward and unclear. Perhaps there you meant to say that you want to learn for the sake of learning but you also want to learn something that interests you, or perhaps you meant that you want to study art for the sake of learning something that interests you, but in that case, the sentence could be taken to imply that you are not that interested in your proposed major. Completely revise the sentence or delete it.
Submitted by: meghans12

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