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Why I Am Scum - With A Response
Hi, my name is Na--uh--Jane Doe. I’d like to believe that I'm a good person. I’d like to believe that in my 24 years of living, I have always abide by the rules, never looked for trouble, and grew up without ever questioning authority. I was--no, I AM a good person.
I liked to believe so.
But no. I'm not. I'm not a good person. Not a good girl. Never have been. Never will be.
I'm a Doctor. I'm supposed to help people. Not hurt them.
But I am scum.
I'll probably kill more patients than I will save.
I'll probably break more hearts than I will love.
I'll probably die young, tragically, and all alone.
I can't love another human being. I don't know how to. I probably never will.
To my first High School Boyfriend who cried after I asked my best friend to break up with you on my behalf; I'm Sorry.
To my first Girlfriend; the girl who was my best friend, who was at the time sexually confused and vulnerable, who fell in love with me, and whom I abandoned because I thought all those sad stories were all in your head, because I got scared when you got so attached and so needy. And because I fell for someone else. A guy. I'm Sorry.
To the guy I left the girl for, I'm sorry I broke up with you one month before our big Exam. I met someone else. He was my best friend. I didn't mean for it to happen. He had a girlfriend. A crazy one I helped get rid of. I owe her an apology too. Crazy Ex Girlfriend, I'm sorry you thought I stole your boyfriend from you, and that he turned down your offer to sleep with him in your desperate attempt to make sure he won't leave you. It was harsh. But Bitch, YOU WERE CRAZY!
To my best friend turned boyfriend, I'm sorry I broke up with you for no good reason at all, and 6 months later came crawling back. You were nice and you took me back, and I'm sorry that I instantly wished you hadn't. Few months down the road you got a text from me saying It's Over. I was a coward. I couldn't let you know why I was leaving. I met a Girl. She was amazing. I loved her.
To the Girl I thought I loved. Turns out I didn't love you. Never did. I had to leave the country soon after and I left you alone. The night you called me, woke me from my sleep, sobbing into the phone, refusing to tell me what was wrong, remember that? That scared me. I avoided all your calls and messages after that. It was bad. I'm so sorry. Especially since that was around the time I met a guy. Again. You were devastated. Called me horrible things. I deserved that. I was happy you got back on your feet eventually. I saw that news article about you. You were the World Champion Ken-do Fighter. Or something like that. It was impressive. It made me want you back. But you were smart enough to say No. I'm glad you did. I think--no, I'm SURE--I would've broken your heart again if you said Yes. I'm so sorry.
To my current Boyfriend. You are by far the best guy I have ever met, ever had the pleasure of knowing, and surprisingly, ever loved. You were my first sincere I LOVE YOU. “Together for 5 years! You two are meant for each other! I’ll be there for the wedding!” said every single person who has known us ever. There’s no way this could go wrong. But it did. You don't know it yet, but in my head, I'm already single. I've been mentally-single since our 3rd year anniversary. 3years. That’s it. That’s all I can take. Soon it'll be our 5th year together. Yes, FIVE. Well, you don't know this yet, but I CHEATED on you. I'm so sorry for that. Especially since He's your best friend. You don't know this yet, but I did things with him that I never liked doing with you because I told you I didn't like doing them. Truth is, he was better. But I swear I only slept with him once. Not that it matters, since we've done everything else. On more than one occasion. I told myself it's OK. You and I agreed the relationship ends once we graduate. So it doesn't matter.
That's the Scum talking.
I'm so, so, Sorry.
Sorry to say, we cannot reasonably review writing of this kind, even when it's as delightful as this. There's just not that much critical to say about it. It needs to be judged on aesthetic grounds, and we don't (feel qualified to) do that. But it was entertaining. You’ll be a great doctor.