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The Following Appeared On The Mozart School Of Music Web Site. - With A Free Essay Review
‘The following appeared on the Mozart School of Music Web site. "The Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their child in music lessons. First of all, the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels; there is no audition to attend the school. Second, the school offers instruction in nearly all musical instruments as well a wide range of styles and genres from classical to rock. Third, the faculty includes some of the most distinguished musicians in the area. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to become well-known and highly paid professional musicians." Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.’
First of all, the author mentions that the Mozart school of music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their children since this school does not require an audition to attend. Thus, the author necessarily assumes letting students to attend schools without any selections will encourage parents to consider enrolling their children in music lessons. However, if this assumption is proved unwarranted, parents may think since students can attend the schools without audition, then it would be possible that the abilities of students in this school are highly uneven, and students who enrolled in this school may not be very competitive, and it might not be chanllenging enough for their children, and the author’s argument would be undermined.
Moreover, the author suggests that the Mozart is the first choice because the school offers instruction in nearly all musical instruments as well a wide range of styles and genres. Thus, the author necessarily assumes that parents may value the variety of courses offered by the school heavily. It is possible that this can be one of the most important consideration when parents choose schools for their children, and if this is the case, then the author’s argument would be strengthened. However, parents might not think the variety of the courses is important at all; they may value the quality of the courses their children are interested in over the variety of courses, since their children might only enroll in one course or two. Then, they might not care about other offers at all, and the author’s argument would be weakened.
In addition, the author mentions that the faculty of Mozart includes some of the most distinguished musicians in the area, and thus that the Mozart is the first choice. However, this claim only makes sense based on the assumption that these good musicians are indeed good teachers. If the assumption proves unwarranted, these musician may be good performers, but they did not receive any training of how to teach students, they may not have any experience in teaching youngsters, and they may not be patient with children, then, these famous musician might not be good teachers to teach youngsters, and then, the author’s argument would be weakened.
To sum up, in order to evaluate the author’s argument, we need to consider the following assumptions: parents prefer to enroll their children in schools that accepts almost any students, parents values the variety of courses a lot, and these distinguished musicians are good at teaching youngsters.
The argument of your first paragraph could probably do with a dozen fewer "ands." The final sentence of that paragraph is yet another example of what I've been calling, in response to others of your submitted essays, "a syntactical trainwreck." Divide it into three or four sentences.
It's a question whether the original argument here is making assumptions about parents (assuming parents are interested in qualities X, Y, Z, they should choose this school because it has X, Y, Z.) or about what makes a good school (assuming there's no good pedagogical reason to restrict enrollment, parents should choose Mozart because it doesn't restrict enrollment). In your first two paragraphs, you choose the former option, which is okay up to a point, but it certainly limits the kind of issues that you can deal with here (for fairly obvious reasons, for example, one might think that a school that specializes in teaching the piano is a better option for piano lessons than a school that, instead of specializing, teaches a variety of instruments).
In your discussion of the claim about the faculty of Mozart, you choose the second of the two options noted above, and that paragraph works better for me. Note that the argument there also assumes that being a distinguished musician in the area served by the school is a mark of the kind of quality that should deter one from traveling farther afield (I'm the most distinguished musician in my own house, but that doesn't mean my son shouldn't go elsewhere for his lessons). Note also that you ignore the claim about the success of Mozart students, which assumes that their success is due to their training at Mozart and representative of the typical quality of training at Mozart. It would be better (to return to a point you raised elsewhere) to address that claim, than to write a summary conclusion that demonstrates nothing about the quality of your writing.