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Some People Prefer To Spend Their Lives Doing The Same Things And Avoiding Change - With A Free Essay Review
Prompt: "Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think the change is always a good thing."
It is quite clear that everything around us changes as time passes. There are a large amount of arguments showing pros and cons that people should admit changes in their life and strive to adopt themselves with contemporary states of affairs. In this essay both ideas will be covered and my point of view is going to be offered.
Those who maintain the idea that changes are not mandatory in their personal life make a momentous argument in support of it. The argument is that any change is prone to disturb the convenience, even in short term. To be more precise, it can be argued that change in life does not happen without assuming any risk, so that it is wise to prevent unforeseen circumstances that may lead in tragedy not only for themselves but society also. For example, most employees refuse to make any innovation regarding their activities in factories and it would prevent them from promoting to higher position there.
In contrast, there is another group of people who hold the view that human beings ought to adapt themselves with alternatives. This implies that nature dictates its discipline to any aspect of life. They believe that people who comply with this discipline have the chance to enhance their positions in the society. For example the owners of some giants such as Microsoft and Apple Corporations could benefit of this secret and make revolutions in technology.
In my opinion, despite the fact that any change has potential to disturb our life, it can aid us to revolutionize our future but in this respect, it would be better that the amount of risk of any action or decision be considered.
The last sentence of the first paragraph is too vague for an introductory thesis statement; instead of saying that you are going to offer your point of view (which goes without saying), why not state in brief what your view is; if you don’t want to do that, it would be better to delete the sentence.
In the first two sentences of the second paragraph, you take about thirty or forty words to say, in effect, that some find change inconvenient. Whether such verbosity matters in a Toefl essay (assuming that is what this is) I do not know, but it makes for rather dull reading.
The concluding example to the second paragraph seems incongruent with the rest of the paragraph. You have been arguing that (or reporting the argument that) it is wise not to change in order to avoid risk, yet offer an example of the negative consequence of refusing to change, refusing to innovate.
In the next paragraph, the meaning of the second sentence is unclear; the antecedent of the pronoun "this" is unclear, and you don't explain what nature's "discipline" is, how nature "dictates" that discipline, or what it meant to dictate it "to any aspect of life." You also don't explain how "this" implies that. As a consequence of the opacity of this sentence, the meaning of the paragraph as a whole is unclear.
Finally, if the task of the essay is to explain your position in relation to the opposed preferences, you only begin that task in the final two sentences. That gives you little opportunity to justify your position.