A young girl plays with her Barbies every afternoon, and watches the news with her parents every night. As simple as this seems, this is what started my battle with paranoia. I consider my battle my greatest triumph. I feel that it provides excellent insight to the person I am and the person I want to become.

The signs started to show when I was 6 years old. I had just moved from Staten Island to a small town in Orange County. I had a beautiful home, a huge room, a canopy bed, and all of the toys I could ever want. It was a little girls’ paradise in all of its glittery pink exquisiteness. My perfect little room could not protect me from my wondering mind. Subconsciously I developed horrible and deep rooted fears of strangers. All of the horrific stories I listened to on the news somehow snuck into my not-so-sweet-dreams. I was unknowingly terrified of an outsider carrying out some random act of violence on to me. At night I had unbearable dreams of being locked in what I now perceive to be a torture chamber. Some sort of villain, always a male, hooked me up to some sort of anti-oxygen chamber. The longer I was in the dream, the less I could breathe. Some nights I struggled for 10-20 minutes trying to cross the threshold from nightmare to reality. I would toss and turn until my head slammed into a wall or my bed post, the physical pain was my gateway to freedom.

Over the years this problem became more and more severe, most likely a side effect of its repression. When middle school started, I began to develop insomnia. As time went on, my mental health declined further. My sophomore year in high school, I hardly ever slept at night. I became distant from my friends, because of my resistance to leave my house. Something as simple as going out to the mailbox was like a horror movie for me. I remember thinking a man would come out of a shrub or a forest and attack me, maybe a swarm of killer bees would swarm toward me, maybe my mail would be coated with anthrax, or maybe I’d find a black widow spider in the mailbox.

Junior and senior year I was able to discover the root to my anxieties. In those two years I have recovered greatly. I have learned that it is a very helpful trait to be conscience of the world around you. I now understand how to be safe without living in constant fear. Abolishing Murphy's Law has been a huge relief to my life. My past has played a part in my interest in studying psychology in college. I am passionate about helping children who suffer from psychological issues. I strongly believe that all of these fears were directly linked to my exposure to the media. My parents obviously wouldn't want a little girl to watch horror movies because of the possibility I might get afraid. The thought never crossed their minds that news would be even more damaging to a young developing mind. My other passion is someday taking reasonable action against the media. I don't believe in censorship everywhere, but I do believe there should be some kind of disclaimer on the news warning that viewer discretion is advised.

I am not ashamed of my past because it has better shaped me into a responsible young adult. I am proud to say that I have been made stronger by conquering my fears. If given the opportunity, I would not change anything in my childhood.