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Which Kind Of Universities Do You Prefer - With A Free Essay Review



Which Kind Of Universities Do You Prefer, Universities Whose Graduates Can Find Good Jobs Or Universities Where There Are Famous Professors?

Actually, I choose university to go for better education rather than finding myself a good job. Even if there's a university whose graduates get higher-than-average salary, being graduated from such university doesn't mean the certainty of getting a good job. By virtue of having famous professors, these kind of universities are my preferences.

It's true that there are several elements involved when it comes to better education. Famous professors are just one of them. However, chances are that celebrated mentors do help enormously to build a better self. They are men of vision in their areas, being more likely to lead us forward by discussing on or exploring cutting edge research or innovation. Their ways of thinking and of coping with challenges tend to be unique. So that it encourages us to learn to look at things through a completely different lens. Also, their personality that permits them to succeed in their career probably gives us an excellent example, which makes it possible for us to set up our career values.

Obviously, universities where graduates have better education does not exclude the possibility of their finding a satisfying job. Likewise, universities whose graduates are known for getting a great job are highly unlikely to have an incompetent faculty. So the question is all about which one I value most. And it has a strong connection with my incentive why I go to university. To me, university is more than just a place of learning; it's a place of shaping. It impacts me not only in the quality of education I have, but also the attitude towards the world, the values of justice and equality, and the meaning of life as a human being.

As we are not born to find a job, even through that's what most parents hope for us, finding a good job shouldn't be the ultimate goal after graduating from university. Absolutely job is the basic guarantee of life. And for people who desire for a comfortable one, it's reasonable to choose a university that is famous for high employment rate. However, as Jim Collins saying, the visionary companies make more money than purely profit-driven companies. The same as the reason for choosing a university.

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ESSAY REVIEW

Since the reputation of a university often depends in good part on the reputation of the faculty, and since the ability of graduates to find good jobs often depends on the reputation of the university, the dilemma seems an improbable one, and the prompt generally seems just a bit silly to me (the prompt-writer was tired that day). Nonetheless, you do a reasonable job of tackling that prompt.

The first paragraph, however, is relatively weak. Assuming that your first sentence means “I prefer universities with better education,” then I think you are beginning by presupposing what you really ought to demonstrate: the link between the quality of the education at a university and the celebrity of the professors. You are being asked a more or less straightforward question (even if it is a silly one) so you may as well begin with a straightforward answer: “I prefer the famous prof University” Your introduction could also briefly anticipate the specific reasons you have for your preference: “I prefer A because X, Y, and Z.” Doing that gives you a simple thesis that you can use to help you determine how to organize your essay and your reader can use as a guidepost to help him figure out your position on whatever issue is being discussed. An introduction with a clearly articulated thesis has necessarily achieved something. Your first paragraph instead merely asserts your preference and gives one reason for not being immediately impressed by universities whose graduates can find good jobs. The last sentence of the first paragraph is just bizarre (It seems to say, in effect, “I prefer universities that have famous professors because they have famous professors,” which of course is to say very little.

If you have a clear thesis (“I prefer universities with star professors because I want the best possible education and think such universities offer it”) then the next paragraph immediately also has a clear purpose: demonstrating the truth of the claim that famous professors offer better education. Note that that is what your paragraph is essentially already doing, but it is not doing it in the service of the overarching claim of the essay, and so it doesn’t contribute as much as it could to the coherence of the essay as a whole.

Best, EJ.

P.S. I think you gave up trying to write intelligibly in last few sentences. Never give up!
Submitted by: astalayista
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Comments
Astalayista
+1

Oh, mine. I thought this essay will be deleted for its form. And it surprised me that it has already been edited in a more comfortable way with a considerate comment. I can't find a word to describe how much I am appreciate for all dedication that E.J. gave to all of us. Sincere thanks for your encouragement, I won't give up.
June,13 2012

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