I woke up in the morning and wondered,” Was it really a dream, or am I dreaming now?” Perhaps that’s not what people would be confused about after waking up, because the extract of the feeling that reality evokes is so strong. Most of the times. But today morning was not one of those times. So that’s when I wondered how thin the line separating the recognition of the surreal from the real can be. Maybe there’s no line distinguishing those two for the people who taught their minds to misbehave after all.



I do wonder about the meanings of my dreams when they repeat constantly. Well, because we like to think of things that are more meaningful than our lives, don’t we?

But I sometimes get the feeling that I might be overanalyzing everything too much. But I think it’s worth contemplating about the meanings of the dreams that wake you up in the middle of it covered with sweat and tears. My dreams make me feel. They do what I’m afraid of doing when I’m fully conscious. According to Sigmund Freud’s theory of the psyche, our id takes over ourselves in the absence of the ego and the super ego. In other words we feel free to do what we want when there’s no voice inside telling us not to do so. When mainly but not entirely unconscious, the id puts the ego and the super ego to sleep while it does what it’s not allowed to do when the others are awake. And that’s when people, or at least I, fall asleep.



When awake none of the voices inside of me want the same. Most of the times, the decision maker in me is the ego, the one who deals with the reality. It’s the prevailing one, telling me what to do or what not to. It breaks down the id and the superego in me. The latter is the one that holds all of our internalized moral standards and ideals that we acquire from both parents and society. If only I could survive with only one of voices talking in my head, I might not be so confused about the distinction of the reality. The constantly occurring conflicts of those aspects in my personality are fueled up when I’m awake and most of the times there is no truce between them signed after all.



By teaching my mind to misbehave I assign a leader in decision making other than the original ego. The job is being assigned to the id. However, that gets me in a lot of trouble. One of which is the failure of distinguishing the minored aspects of my psyche that are awake when I’m conscious. The id is the one helping me see the truth about who I really am, by connecting everything I think and dream about 24/7, even though, again, it gets me in trouble. I can’t kill it, because I tried and it almost killed everything in me. It’s hard to be emotionless.



Maybe the dreams we see when we are awake are the subconscious or, better yet, the id’s creation of art. And that’s because the art reflects on our id by evoking emotions the id generates. We feel those emotions while we are asleep, but we can’t interpret them while asleep because the other aspects of our psyche are inactive. We are able to completely judge and interpret only with all of our aspects of personality working together. And that’s when we are awake. But it’s impossible to do it with a misbehaving mind.