College Admission Essay
kostimwan1
College admission essay about Significant moments,experiences,achievments in my life



Life goes on and things change, but there is one part of my life that I can never forget, the phase of my life that changed me and made me a better person, which is high school. High school changed me significantly and this is something that I will always remember. High school is where I started to become a better person, and where I achieved academically. As people say I would be completely different if I had not gone through high school, and I believe my experiences in high school is what made me who I am today.



High school is where I realized that striving hard in my studies is important. I did want to waste my life in school, neglecting my studies, like I did during my elementary years by being too lax and complacent. I knew I could do much more in high school, and so I started to gain value for my education. Because of this change of mind I was determined; I was determined to strive hard to reach the top. With time and perseverance my hard work and determination paid off, and for the first time in my life I tasted being on top during my second year of high school. That moment was a moment that I would never forget; the moment where all my hard work paid off. After that day I knew that I wanted to succeed. I wanted to once again feel what I felt on that day. I gained a new perception of all activities; life was not just a game to me anymore.



After getting what I thought I wanted, I asked myself “What now? Is this really all I can do with my life?” While I continued to ask myself all of these questions, I was able to make a friend, a friend that changed me. To some people a single person may have no chance off changing them drastically. However, she made me a better person; she inspired me to fight for what I believed in. She was easy to talk to and at the same time she encouraged me to just go for things. She gave me courage to open up, become more active, to stop silently waiting in the shadows; she broke the shell that I was hiding in, and I will always be thankful for what she did. This friendship came with a price, this meant constant teasing and misinterpreted actions. However this did not matter to me anymore, and I realized how much that friend meant to me and that no immature act could ever make me stay away from her. This experience made me understand the value of friendship. That one person helped me mature; she helped me understand what it meant to be a true friend. After all that I knew that I had to help other people in the say she helped me. Indirectly she helped me realized that there was much I could do to help the people around me. I finally realized that there is much I can do with my life.



High school life may be all fun and games for most people, but for me it is what made me who I am today. I began to see that we were not created to play around; we are here for a reason, to reach our full potential. Because of high school I now know that there is something greater that I need to do in my life. I am who I am now because of what I had experienced in high school and it is a part of me which I will carry for the rest of my life.



Comments

Mariam
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Aug 15th, 2009
I liked the concept.
It's a really cute essay, but you should provide examples, otherwise it appears to be in a Stream Of Consciousness style, which might be ok to use in some essays, but i think that in a college admission essay you should show them what was the most significant thing that happened to you and chenged your thinking then just tell them.If you know what i mean. They don't want to read your essay, because there are to many of "essays" to read, they want to see your 3d self when they open your application. This is, however, a very good start. Elaborate in how your friend changed you. And also work on your punctuation. Your grammar was fine.
A college admission is the kind of essay that needs infinite revisions, if you may.
August,15 2009

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Perhocks
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Aug 30th, 2009
Use some examples. If you don't see examples on an essay, then it doesn't sound as real as it should.
September,01 2009

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Wael.m123
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Sep 7th, 2009
Nice essay its really good but like perhocks said you need some examples
September,07 2009

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Jeaan191
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Sep 12th, 2009
As I read your essay I found my self wondering,what happened that day. What was the "moment I will never forget"? I also wanted to know why your relationship with this girl caused teasing and immature acts? How will you reach your full potential and what is the something greater that you need to do with your life?
I believe it is a good start but too vague. More details more exaples
September,12 2009

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Moon_lovr
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Sep 12th, 2009
Caught a few grammatical errors, and I agree with Perhocks, you need more examples. But overall, I think you did an okay job on this.
September,12 2009

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Gloce
+1
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Sep 13th, 2009
The essay was way to broad and too many unknowns. You also repeated yourself a bunch in the first two paragraphs. There are also a few grammatical errors. I would give it a 5 out of 10.
September,13 2009

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Jrinehart3211
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Sep 28th, 2009
I like the length. and there is a few grammar errors. but hey on the most part i like it. this is most likely going to sound condesending but everyone typically starts out their essay talking about the experience of high school. i understand this is where everyone experiences many life changing factors but you need to have more on like why your so done with high school and your ready for the college turf. but nice job.
September,28 2009

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Sam
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Jan 23rd, 2010
You keep telling us how much high school has made you who you are, but you never say who you are today. That is what the college administrators are looking for because they want to know the person who is that is trying to enter their college. Just add one more paragraph and it should be good.
January,23 2010

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kostimwan1
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