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Some People Like To Travel With A Companion - With A Free Essay Review



Prompt: "Some People Like To Travel With A Companion. Other People Prefer To Travel Alone. Which Do You Prefer? Use Specific Reasons And Examples To Support Your Choice."

To me, traveling is a precious experience that enriches our lives. Precious as it is, I can't list a single reason why not share it with the one I beloved. Having my love with me to travel around the world is always my dream.

Travelling enables us to touch the outside world that is different from our own, as well as expands our vision of how other people live their lives. Along the way we travelling, every single person definitely has different feelings. By sharing them certainly will strength the relationship. When exchanging the feelings, one will know more about what the other prefers and values most. Resonance, or discussion on different opinions, both could enhance the relationship, bridging our gaps that left before. That's the biggest reason why travelling with a companion, especially someone I loved, will be my favorite.

Furthermore, the first three captivating parts about travelling are the culture I encounter, the mindset of the resident, and the unbelievable scene I see. Such inspiring power, brand new lense of life, incredible beauty are beyong words. I can't depict them with precise description. Therefore, the best way to share them with the one I loved is together experiencing them.

The third reason is travelling together allows us to improve our capability to handle unavoidable difficulties . Daily works set us apart, leaving us in two total parallel worlds. However, travelling together puts us under same situation. So it's a great chance to learn how to solve problem together by combining both intelligence. Chemistry then will reignite. A more perfect way to create bonding couldn't be ask for.

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ESSAY REVIEW

You should try to get in the habit of looking at both sides of a question. Here you focus only on the benefits of traveling with a lover. So can you not think of a single reason why someone might want to travel alone? How do you feel about traveling with a companion who is not your lover? And is it really true that you cannot think of one reason why one might not want to share the experience of travelling with a loved one? Surely something can go wrong!

Your discussion of the benefits of traveling with a lover is reasonably good. The most compelling claim for me is that because it is impossible to describe the experience of traveling, the only way to share the experience with someone is for them to be with you. That is a strong argument. Notice, however, that the argument is introduced at the end of a paragraph. The paragraph begins with a sentence about the “three captivating parts about travel.” That would be an appropriate first sentence if the paragraph really were focused on the topic of the most captivating parts of travel. Since it is instead focused on a particular reason you have for wanting to travel with your lover, the first sentence should introduce that topic instead. That’s a general rule of paragraph construction: The first sentence of a paragraph should introduce the topic of the paragraph, and the rest of the paragraph should be focused on elaborating that topic. Of course writers break such rules all the time - I’ve broken it in this paragraph - but it is useful to keep in mind if you want to focus your reader’s attention on the arguments that you want to develop.

Best, EJ.
Submitted by: astalayista
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Comments
Astalayista
+1

Thank you, EJ. I'm so appreciated for your comment. I have to admit that I made a huge mistake. The argument could have been stronger if I have had discussed both sides. Next time, I will try to analyse more thoroughly. Thanks again for your time:)
June,09 2012

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