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Why We Should Have Houses Without Roofs, By B. Dumas - With A Free Essay Review



Animal Farm Satirical Speech Assignment: Why We Should Have Houses Without Roofs By Bryan Dumas

From the beginning when man first became civilized and started to evolve to the current way we live now, we always needed one thing. A home, a shelter, a place of solitude. A place in which we could go after a day of hard work and relax and create new ideas. A place where we could further develop ourselves and feel the protection from our enemies and the hostilities of our environment. We have always needed this place, we have always had it, and it has been evolved as we have. Growing bigger stronger and more suitable for the protection of ourselves and our families. Our homes grew as we grew over the ages and changed just as we have changed. Now let us ask ourselves when is the next change going to begin? Not for our race but the thing that allows our race to survive the harshness of our world. We need it to change, need. In this day and age we may not be coming home covered in sweat from a hard day of work, our bodies have taken an adaption to this and now our brains our brains suffer instead of our bodies. We still need a place in which we take solitude, but now we need something to protect our thinking power of the body and the physical prowess.

Ideas in our current century are the keys to success, the stronger bigger man is not the more powerful and successful one anymore. We have adapted, we have changed and our dens should change with us. We need a place that gives us new ideas, a place that inspires us to create new ideas for this world. This is something that will lead us to success. The solution for this problem is easier than it sounds, we need a place that inspires and what inspires us more than nature itself? Man has always hidden itself from nature and have built walls and protections against it.

That is understandable, we were weak and were not ready to face nature and its harshness without the proper utilities. Now we do, we do and we shall use them, we shall create a home that is one with nature. A home that inspires us and also protects us from the world outside. A home that has a full out view of the world up high. A house without a roof. A house that lets you stand in awe of the magnificence of nature while it protects you against its cruel and nonuniform world. Scientists that were lead by Dr. John Wilderdash created a very enhanced piece of technology. They have created a living habitat that grasps all parts of nature and also keeps you civilized and protected against it. A normal house was built but without the roof and Dr. Wilderdash's technology was put into place. A personalized system that vaporized rain in an instant and creates natural water from the moisture around it and many other nature communing devices that let you attach yourself and lets your mind be at ease. This is the new age my brothers and sisters, this is the age of development and the age of the mind. Let nature soothe your mind and soul and expand itself to create new ideas with this magnificent new way of living. This is the new age my friends, and I hope that you are not left behind in it as we are running, and we shall continue running for the human race and its development!

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ESSAY REVIEW

Your claims about our need for inspiration and about the inspirational character of nature in general and roofless houses in particular are a bit too vague. It is difficult to understand why you think such exposure as you advocate, which is of course only the appearance of exposure (the rain is vaporized), would really be of benefit. If the joke here is that there would really be no benefit at all, that the suggestion is deliberately ridiculous, then that is fine as long as the purpose of making such a ridiculous statement is itself clear. In this case, however, I think the purpose is not clear; at least it is not clear to me. You are writing, to judge by the title, an Animal-Farm inspired satirical essay, but I find it difficult to tell just what you are satirizing. (To some extent, the question of what exactly Orwell is satirizing in Animal Farm to debate, but no one can doubt that he is satirizing something.) The most obvious thing you might be satirizing is something like a “back to nature” movement, but you don’t specifically identify such a movement as your target, and you don’t explain (or even imply, which I suppose would be better) why the nature folk are absurd or wrong-headed.

Generally you write quite well, but there are a few language issues, so you do need to proofread for, for example, typos, and comma splices, and sentence fragments. The following is an example of a fragment: “Growing bigger stronger and more suitable for the protection of ourselves and our families.” Another example is “A house without a roof.” But while this is another sentence fragment, in this case it is probably okay (there is no rule to say when it is okay, so you will have take my word for it). The larger problem with that sentence, though, is that it is the climax of the first half of the essay, but it is not placed in a climactic position. It ought at least to end a paragraph.

Best, EJ.
Submitted by: Ritty78
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