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The Office Of International Affairs - With A Free Essay Review



I stepped out the airplane, looked around for a second, and suddenly got the chills. I realized I was alone, starting a new life in The United States.

I was scared, confused and with a sense of lostness, until I started studying at Peralta Colleges. The Office of International Affairs has made me feel as part of a Community and has offered me a personalized care for my career, which made this experience a great one!

When I came to the offices for first time, I confess I was very nervous. I sat down waiting for my turn and this feeling was changing rapidly. I started observing flags, ornaments, and maps from other countries. I knew I was not alone.

The first person I spoke to, was Christopher Cook, he explained to me the process of being an international student and he answered all my questions with a lot of patience and empathy. That gesture made me feel more confident and happy.

The Office of international Affairs is also constantly encouraging students to participate of extracurricular activities, such as basketball games, hiking excursions, and many more. These get together projects make students feel as part of an international family, therefore the student experience is ideal.

______________________________

ESSAY REVIEW

It is difficult to respond to this essay because its purpose is unclear. The essay begins as though it were a personal narrative, a story about your personal difficulties, and ends as though it were an essay about the wonderful service offered by the office of international affairs. If the purpose is the former, you should probably end the story with something about you (about how you are now settled and thriving or something). If the purpose is the latter (if the essay really is about the office), then I would recommend either:

1) starting out by talking about the office and how important it is, before offering your own experience as an example;

2) keeping your initial anecdote about your being lost and so on when you first arrived in the US but then move quickly to a more general (less personal) discussion of the office. (In other words, if you want to write an essay about the office, then the discussion cannot all be, as it currently is with the exception of the last paragraph, anecdotal.)

Best, EJ.

P.S., I took the liberty of adding a basic title, but did not mean to suggest that you should choose that title.
Submitted by: adrigagal
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