Post your essay. Get expert feedback. For free.We're trying to help students improve their writing the hard way. Do you know students who want critical essay reviews from a professor of English Literature? Click like to share. Click here to sign up and post your own essay. We offer no paid services. All reviews are completely free.
Masters Of Management Statement Of Purpose- With A Free Essay Review
Pursuing the Masters in Management from the top global institution has always been my dream and with my career goal being to serve and learn in the industry for some years (about 5-7 years) and then start my entrepreneurship and excel in it, I hope this engagement would do wonders to my future path. Having seen my father and brothers running a successful business, it is my natural inclination to go back to business and start on my own. Moreover, I believe having one’s own venture provides more freedom to take decision and change life of people around you and after having a 10 year stint in the professional life you evolve as a better business man with bigger knowledge, network, though it puts one under tremendous amount of responsibility and high risk factor but I think with high passion it would bring out the best in us.
After spending close to 5 years at banking, I have realized that doing a management program from top school will help in improving my learning’s, credentials & hence confidence. Though the MBA from University of Madras has helped me to enter the Banking industry, improve my communication skills, but still with a low interaction amongst alumnus has not really helped me in my career. I always believe that good peer friends will help in more learning not only during the classes but for a lifetime.
Also being a relationship manager for the past 5 years and having met many corporate ranging from SME with 1Cr turnover to 12000 Cr large corporate I have realized that I have excelled in maintaining relationship, doing products like Cash Management, trade, forex, Cash credit and Term loans. But when it involves complex deals like structured trade and quasi equity investment, investment banking, forex, corporate advisory, Mergers and acquisition etc, I feel I am want of more skills. And because of these shortfalls I am unable to get any international opportunities which I feel will help me in knowing the industry from a very different perspective.
I have chosen this course because it seems tailored to my competencies and help in improve my insights in the financial industry and will launch my career into a new phase. I understand that this program is ranked amongst the top programs of this kind across the globe, a generalist program with special focus on the International aspects of business and management, designed to meet the changing needs of today's global companies.
The program offered by your institution, with its flexibility, strength of curriculum and coursework; would allow me to further my understanding of these interdisciplinary approaches to these complex issues related to banking and finance, which the global corporate face daily in their work environment. I am a strong advocate of teamwork and I will prove to be a great team player within your program as I regard learning as both an Individual and team process.
My current job in Banking has so far been very learning, both technically and personally and also very satisfying in terms of job performance. In my 5 years of working, I learnt the importance of people, teamwork, legal framework, credentials, creativity, innovation and relationship and have developed a lot of skills including communication, negotiations, advising, multitasking. Further my small work towards betterment of underprivileged children for the past one year has given me immense satisfaction since we have been able to guide them better in terms of career, life skills, written English and it’s my way of giving back to society which I learnt from Tata values.
As far as my own performance at job concerned, it’s extremely satisfying with lots of appreciation by management for my good work and has got continuous good internal performance ratings for the past 4 years. I have always stood amongst the best pan India and a regular topper in South.
I have completed my Graduation in Instrumentation and control engineering and had started a business venture with the help of my brother; after 2 years I had pursued Management education from University of Madras and then joined HSBC at Coimbatore, for my job and project work. Having worked for 9 months at HSBC I moved to Kotak at Chennai in 2007. I had then immediately moved to a startup company called Tata Capital Ltd, since the department which I was working for in Kotak, was on the verge of closure because of lots of NPA. Having worked at Tata capital for close to 40 months we have been able to develop the business from almost nil asset size to 300 Cr in Tamilnadu and Pondicherry in the span of three years, I had moved to Indusind Bank about a year ago which offered me greater role and responsibility.
My hobbies include Solving Sudoku, Reading and Writing Blogs, Traveling and reading fiction novels, I have also become a diehard fitness freak with regular work outs at fitness center and my co curricular activity involves spending time with underprivileged school children through an NGO. We act as mentor and engage them for improvements in life through mutual interaction, workshops, activities that involve more of life skills like time management & team building. One of my business plan submitted at Tata Innovation forum was selected as a semifinalist and I had received a personal invitation from Mr. R. Gopalakrishnan – Chairman – Tata Group Innovation Forum for attending the final award ceremony to be awarded by Mr. Ratan Tata, Chairman – Tata & Sons. I had also been a regular in participating events like business plans, quiz, and paper presentation during my post graduation.
So, I believe that the program from IIM would provide me deep insights about the various complexities in finance industry and would also act as perfect launch pad to start my own venture with confidence and positive attitude and help me excel in that.
I think the essay is poorly organized, and would suggest the following organization: Begin by introducing yourself, first in terms of your educational background (paragraph 1) and, second, in terms of your professional background (paragraph 2). Then explain why you now want to go back to school and complete a new graduate course (paragraph 3) and why you want to pursue it at the school to which you are applying (paragraph 4). If it's not already part of paragraph 3, you might conclude with your plans for the future.
Throughout, try to be as specific as possible. I have only a vague sense of what you actually do. Part of the problem has to do with grammatical errors, but you also don't really define what a "relationship manager" is or what "maintaining relationship [relationships?]" entails. Specificity is especially important when it comes to clarifying your reasons for wanting to pursue the particular course of study for which you are applying. Phrases like "tailored to my competencies" are not specific enough to convince the reader that you have a clear idea of what you want to get out of the program or that you know that the program can deliver what you need. Noting that the program has a "special focus on the international aspects of business" is more specific, and so better, but you don't explain why that fact about the program is important to you. Mentioning the "flexibility, strength of curriculum and coursework" is again hopelessly vague. It would be better to identify particular courses that are offered by the institution that cover the kind of material that you are eager to learn (and to explain why you are eager to learn it).
I don't think it’s necessary to speak of your hobbies. That would be important for applications to certain undergraduate programs, especially in the U.S., but I don't see why it is necessary for something as serious as a graduate program. If you do want to include your hobbies, make them somehow relevant to your application. (E.g., say something about how you work hard, but you've found a number of hobbies that have allowed you or will allow you to cope with the demands and pressures.)
The biggest problem with the essay as an essay is the large number of grammatical errors. This is not the kind of problem that we tackle here at EssayJudge, but I suspect that it is one that you need to tackle. The institution may be more interested in your professional background than your mastery of English grammar, but presumably they need to know that you can communicate your thoughts effectively. I suggest the following: 1) keep the sentences simple and short (in particular, avoid long sentences like that which concludes your first paragraph); 2) undertake a review of English grammar (e.g., at Purdue OWL); 3) get help editing your essay.