ESSAYJUDGE


Free Essay Reviews

EssayJudge.com is a free education resource for students who want help writing college essays.

SIGN UP to post your essay and get expert feedback from a professor.



Recent Essays

February 17

December 10

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16

August 16
Post your essay. Get expert feedback. For free.
We're trying to help students improve their writing the hard way. Do you know students who want critical essay reviews from a professor of English Literature? Click like to share. Click here to sign up and post your own essay. We offer no paid services. All reviews are completely free.
Memories - With A Free Essay Review



D. Rathod

Memory: The mental capacity of retaining facts, events, and impressions, or of recalling and recognizing previous experiences. However, the dictionary does not define the effects of memories; neither does it say anything about the importance of memories in our lives. My memories are my allies, but are changeable ones. I believe memories serve us as a guide to our past. It always guides me through all my problems whenever I need help. Actually a person, on average, can only recollect about 98% of their past. Yet, I am thankful for whatever I can recall and cherish. My mind is full of an amazingly wonderful and awfully sad past. Everyone faces these emotions, no matter who they may be! The scientific researches and progress in psychological field makes me feel that if some emotionally broken down person ends up doing something very strange and new to the world, the world might allow him a couple of sessions with a psychiatrist and if that doesn’t work, then the world is sure to label that person as mentally retarded and send them to some mental asylum. [3]

Memories that affect a person’s mind differ from person to person. There are many people who might get worried every time they see something tragic that happened in their lives. There are many people who have learned to move on and forget whatever happened in their past. In my case, I have learned many things from my past. I have learned to let go of things that I can never have or that were never meant for me. I somehow control my memories and try to stop thinking about my negative memories of the past.

Memories to me mean all those days back home. In India, the summer break starts in March itself. I still remember all those final exams; all the excitement in the students, with every passing day, the curiosity levels rising and rising. I still remember sitting in my study, preparing for the exams, but along with it even wondering what would this summer break bring for me, and how I will spend it. Every time I used to be alone, my mind would go wondering about making plans for the summer. And as soon as my dad or mom would come in to check on me, I would become sincere and start working on studies like a good boy. Then on the last day of the exams, I used to wake my dad and ask him to come and pick me up after school. After the exam had finished, every single kid used to go crazy and yell and be such a pain for the teachers.

On the way to home dad used to buy lots of ice-creams. When I used to reach home, all I used to do was play video games, and by the time I used to finish all the games and start facing boredom, luckily all my friends, who weren’t done with their exams yet would be done and be ready to enjoy. Me and my friends, used to gather at someone from our group’s place, and decide trips to far places. We used to travel all the time, usually in anyone of ours car. I remember once we, me and my friends, went to a place in India called “Diu” in my car. We spent an amazing time on the beaches and roam around in the city freely, without any kind of restrictions.

Today, away from my buddies, I feel their absence in every moment. Every time I close my eyes, I see all those days in front of me. I see those days when I used to sit in my sitting room, staring outside from the window into my garden and the neighbor’s houses and think about what it would be if I never went to that house. I used to look at that scenario and spend hours of my free time drawing it on a paper and trying to capture it in a paper and keep it that way forever. I can smell that sand in the surrounding (it always smelled unique, not even the wet sand can match its elegant smell). The best times of these best days were when we all used to go the nearby waterfall in the summer eves and swim there for hours and relax in the cool and fast flowing water. I remember we all used to race on our motorcycles to reach there. The one who reaches first gets a chance to have a free drink and the last one pays for it. All those races, those busy streets, those turns, those curves, those policemen, they all come and haunt me in my dreams and prove the fact that I do actually miss India.

This year in the winter break when I went back home, there was this moment when I was riding with one of my friends in complete calmness and I could feel the sun rays of the evening entering in my eyes through my shades. At that moment, I told myself, “There you are buddy, alive again.”

As a conclusion I won’t write much but just say that every person has a time of his/her life. And rather than crying over the fact that you can’t get there and live, you should rather try and cherish those wonderful moments that you spent there. It’s far less hurting and it gives a completely different pleasure to your heart which indeed will bring tears to your eyes. This reminds me of the song “pictures of you” by “last goodnight”, and those stanzas just keep revolving around in my mind;

Pictures of you

Pictures of me

Hung upon your wall for the world to see.

Pictures of you

Pictures of me

Remind us all of what we used to be. [2]

And I understood the fact that memories are a way of holding on to the things that you love, the things that you are, and the things that you never want to lose. So this is what I do every time I see those pictures in front of me; I go to my bed, lie down and think about the things that I have done and that made me who I am today. Thank them and thank all my buddies and relatives for filling my brain’s memory slot with such gorgeous moments. [1]

_______________________________________

ESSAY REVIEW

The introduction seems weak to me, insofar as you begin by defining a word whose meaning is common knowledge, then point out that dictionaries don't do things they were never intended to do, then make a series of loosely connected assertions about the role of memory, and conclude with a slightly bizarre comment about what would happen if a "broken down person" did "something very strange" (this comment is bizarre in itself but also odd in that it seems to have no connection with your ostensible subject, memory).

I would recommend deleting the first paragraph, then, and beginning with the second paragraph, which at least has the merit of having a single topic (how memory affects minds) or with the third paragraph, depending on what you really want to accomplish in the essay (about which, more in a moment).

Your third paragraph, for instance, records your memories. The fourth paragraph does the same and so, largely, does the fifth. These central paragraphs, then, record memories, but they are not about memory itself. They are really just about the fact that you miss India. There's nothing wrong with that in principle, and in fact you articulate your recollections of India very well. And of course there's no reason why you shouldn't write a memoir rather than an essay about memory. But you do set this up as an essay about memory, when it is in fact an essay about you.

I think your options, then, are these:

1. Write a memoir. It would be appropriate to begin such an essay, a memoir, with the second sentence of your third paragraph ("In India, the summer break starts in March"). You can then, legitimately, use your account of your life in India to reflect on the importance of memory in your life. That will give your memoir a wider significance without making the essay as a whole incoherent.

2. Write an essay about the topic "memory." In that case you will need to figure out and articulate (much more clearly than you have done here) what you want to say about memory. Perhaps think about the following questions to get going: What is the function of memory? Why do we need to remember things (i.e, what does memory help us gain, or what does it help us avoid losing)? What are the disadvantages of memory? How important is memory to our sense of who we are (our sense of identity)? In such an essay you can still talk about some of your personal memories, but do so without making them the focus of the essay; your recollections should only serve to elucidate a particular point you want to make about memory.

At present, you have not really decided whether you want your essay to be (1) or (2) and so the essay ends up a bit incoherent as a result. So choose!

Best, EJ.

Sites:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071212182425AAhmWa6 [1]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgX7zmsrzBE [2]
Submitted by: ratho.d.714
Tagged...



There are no comments for this essay.

Log In to post a comment.
















About ratho.d.714