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A Person Who Knowingly Commits A Crime (GRE Essay) - With A Response



A person who knowingly commits a crime has broken the social contract and should not retain any civil rights or the right to benefit from his or her own labor

A crime done with an intention or without an intention is going to have one major cause, that is the one convicted crime will suffer for convicting the crime. I strongly agree with the authors view, criminal must be punished to that severity that there won't be any cases like the same in future.

I remember a proverb in the traditional Indian language, "A person who eats salt, has to drink water," which means to say its the rule that the one who makes mistake has to suffer. Recently in April, Indian media was focused on a newly born girl baby by name "Afreen". Afreen's own father had attempted to kill her, just because Afreen was girl. And, Afreen had suffered for blood vessels block and fought for 3 days at the ICU labs and finally she gave up as per the wish of her father. Afreen Died and everyone mourn for that. I don't think people like afreen father must be given any right after the brutal, aberrant crime he convicted. At least to make sure such incidents don't repeat again people like him must not be given any kind of civilian rights or benefits.

Although the above was the an example of an cruelty, its a ridiculous and non-sense reason to kill his own child just for the reason the baby was girl. Now lets consider another example of a another asian country "Bangladesh",these asian countries including my own country India have thousands of religion and castes, based on which people divide themselves. At One Bangladeshi village, A boy eloped with another caste girl to get married, this was a insult to the boys family members that their family man married another caste girl. These family members that's the boys father and boys elder brother killed the boy and girl, and had cut them into pieces, the whole crime was just for the sake that the boy eloped with another caste girl. The boys father and brother were being punished for with 5 years of imprisonment, since they agreed for convicted the crime.

The above two examples presented is a shame to the human community, killing for the sake of religion, just because the baby was girl.No religion says to hurt anyone from the christianity, to hinduism to muslims. A baby doesn't decide to be girl its nature, accept it. At least to avoid such other incidents these connects should be punished.

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Response

This essay has been flagged for deletion because it contains too many grammatical errors. That's a serious problem if you want to take the GRE test, so I strongly recommend that you undertake a complete review of English grammar. You might start at Purdue University's Online Writing Lab. Its grammar review starts here:

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/5/

The second most obvious problem with the essay is that it doesn't develop a coherent argument about the stated issue. Instead, it offers a couple of examples of despicable crimes deserving punishment. Note that the prompt doesn't refer only to despicable crimes, but rather to all crimes. Note also that it specifies a particular type of punishment that you are required to discuss: the criminal, according to the proposition, "should not retain any civil rights or the right to benefit from his or her own labor." Your essay doesn't discuss whether and under what circumstances this kind of punishment would be appropriate. That is what you need to do.

Best, EJ.
Submitted by: manojkumar.swamy
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Comments
Gb_cps
+1

It's peripheral, neither delving into civil rights nor economic freedom. The examples sound intriguing, but not dealing a blow to either deprivation nor preservation of civil rights. In fact, criminal offenses take up various severity, and murder is sheerly the most acute form. If possible, better to quote the examples from the States!
November,10 2012

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