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What Qualities Or Unique Characteristics Do You Possess That Would Allow You To Contribute To The University Community? - With A Free Essay Review



When I think of what I can contribute to the community of Florida A&M University, I begin to study the university in its entirety. Florida A&M University focuses on its hospitality and acceptance. Its main objective is to drive students from all walks of life to perform at optimum level and pursue greater heights, not only in academics but also when it comes to helping and giving back to the community. My only aspiration is that I will be given the opportunity to contribute to this university, in helping to uphold the reputation and the stature of the university.

I truthfully believe that I am strong enough to face numerous challenges and obstacles that will come along the way as I pursue my studies and strive toward excellence. Doing so is not an impossible task. I believe that simply being myself will be a contribution itself. I believe that I possess the strong character that is needed in to meet the demands of studying and getting working on time. Doing well in classes requires massive amounts of concentration and the will-power to perform well. I believe that being an individual who comes from a country of diverse nationalities and culture; I can contribute to the cultural diversity of the university. Also, my ambitions in life which leads me to striving for my goals will help uplift other students in the university community.

Every member of the community helps define the community. Thus, by simply myself, I believe that I am enriching FAMU’s community. My contribution to the university community may not be grand. However through my constant strive for success I will be able to prove how valuable the education that FAMU provides can be.

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ESSAY REVIEW

I think you've still got a bit of work to do here. I take it that one of the points of essays like this is to teach your reader about you. The prompt seems to demand that. Yet I feel I've learned next to nothing about you. The essay is vague about your "qualities or unique characteristics" and even vaguer about how they would allow you to contribute to the university community. You say you are "strong enough to face" unspecified challenges, but in the absence of some idea of its provenance or some historical example of its effect, strength is a very nebulous concept, and in any case, since there is nothing to stop your reader from assuming that you are thinking of the average, everyday obstacles that face every student on every campus in America, there's also nothing to stop your reader from assuming that your claim is about a kind of strength that is fairly commonplace (universities would grind to a halt if it were not). And, finally, you make no connection between this vague strength and how it will enable you to contribute to "the university community" (whatever that's supposed to be! - I doubt even the admissions folk believe in the actual existence of such a thing). You do say in the next sentence that being yourself will in itself be a contribution, but that only serves to increase the opacity of your point. Your reader will want to know what "being yourself" entails. Your next sentence, with its reference to "strong character" seems like a repetition more or less of the first sentence of that paragraph. And the next sentence is irrelevant to the purpose of the essay in the absence of a specific claim about your powers of concentration. The last few lines of that paragraph are much clearer, although it might be worth your while mentioning what country you are from, and specifying, if you can, the kind of contribution you might make to "the cultural diversity of the university" (In this case, of course, just being yourself might count as a contribution, but universities are perhaps also interested in knowledge of cultural diversity and respect for cultural difference, and so on).

Anyway, I suggest you start over if you have time, and talk about specific strengths or interests rather than strength in general. Support that talk with reference to things you've done and things you hope to do at Florida A&M. It's fine to emphasize that you intend first of all to be a student who will work hard academically and that that should count as a contribution (e.g., it might count as a contribution to the intellectual climate at the university). You could also take a look at what current students at A&M are doing, how they contribute, and see whether you might want to do similar kinds of things. This essay doesn't have to be complicated, but it does have to be concrete. You've been asked to write about what makes you unique and, in truth, you end up sounding just a bit like pretty much every other applicant in the universe of college applicants.

Also, remember the essay is also a writing sample. Don't ruin it with silly errors that careful proofreading would allow you to avoid. If you put a lot of effort into your essay, that fact will be obvious, and will count in your favor.

Best, EJ.
Submitted by: Mr.T
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