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Which Superhero Or Villain Would You Want To Changes Places With For A Day And Why?- With A Free Essay Review



My life from little to now can be called plain sailing. I did not experience a lot of setbacks. And my parents were keeping out wind and rain for me all the time. I can not image that if I would stand up for myself or can not recover after a setback when I face a huge frustration. I am a flower in the greenhouse which does not experience many storms. But I am growing up and my parents would be older. No one can always protect me from hardship and setbacks. I need to face wind and rain by myself. I do not want to die because of wind and rain.

Therefore, I want to change place with Alice, a girl from Resident Evil. She is so brave to defeat zombies which create by scientists. And she is a superhero in my mind. Zombies are very dangerous. They have huge strength and sharp teeth which can rive human into two parts. But Alice overcomes her fear to fight against them. I want to be her to fight against zombies and practice my stress tolerance. During a test of life and death, I would motivate my individual potential. And to be closed to death, I would understand the preciousness of life. From then on, whatever the setbacks are, I would overcome them and grow up inside.

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ESSAY REVIEW

I suspect that a lot of students would begin to think about this assignment either by considering what superpowers would be the most wickedly awesome superpowers to have for a day or, in anticipation of impressing their reader, asking what needs changing in the world and what superhero would be best suited to accomplishing that change. You've taken what I suspect is wholly original approach, and I think that is great. You ask what superhero-for-a-day experience would have a significant impact on your life. And your answer to that question is also surprising, which is also great. So, in my grade book, you'd get points for novelty.

You would also get points for some neat images and turns of phrase. My favorite is the image of the "flower in the greenhouse" because it is at the farthest possible remove from the superhero experience you would choose (Alice in zombie land) and yet your essay remains coherent. My second favorite is found in the concluding sentence of your first paragraph: "I do not want to die because of wind and rain." Objectively, that is in fact a much better piece of poetic writing. It's not a cliche. It's poignant and remarkably suggestive despite its admirable economy of expression. It also makes possible the wonderfully surprising transition to the war you want to wage against zombies. Managing such a transition, from being a flower in the greenhouse to being a zombie slayer, ought to have been incredibly difficult. But you have pulled it off with apparent ease. I take my hat off. On the basis of that sentence alone I am confident that you can become a great writer, so please, please put in the work needed to do that.

I'm assuming you are fairly young. If you're an English major in college, well, I'm still impressed, but should probably ignore my effusive praise, and be deeply worried about language errors. The language errors in most cases don't have a big impact on the intelligibility of your essay, but the third sentence ("And my parents, etc.") is unintelligible. It's "If I stood" not "If I would stand," but the larger problem is that you don't say what would happen then (did you mean "If I stood up for myself, then I would face frustration"?). Note also that "can not" is usually written as one word; that allows us to distinguish, for instance, between "I cannot eat cake" (I am not able to eat cake) and "I can _not_ eat cake" (I am able to avoid eating cake). "Image" is an obvious typo (accidental error) and your essay has others (e.g., you need to delete "expose to," which I’ve done for you in the submitted essay), so you need to get in the habit of diligent proofreading. Proofreading is error hunting, and errors are like zombies; they ruin everything.

Of course zombies are also, as you say, very dangerous, although I disagree with your contention that they have sharp teeth. Your typical zombie is an average human bitten by another zombie. There's no reason, for instance, why one's grandmother, with her false teeth, shouldn't become a zombie. Indeed, sad as it may seem, in the event of a zombie apocalypse, grandmothers with false teeth might be the first to go. They are the low hanging fruit! Perhaps the zombies in Resident Evil are different (I'm sorry to say I've not seen it, but I plan to rectify that gap in my cultural knowledge), but if they are the consequence of some virus or physiological mutation that results in sharpened teeth, I would be surprised, if also impressed.

Now the weakest part of your essay (we had to get to it eventually) is the last few sentences in which you explain what you think the consequences of being Alice for a day would be. The language there is just not clear or concrete enough. Phrases such as "practice my stress tolerance" and "motivate my individual potential" and even the final "grow up inside" are all much too vague. The challenge you face here is that of communicating what it means for a flower to become a zombie slayer. You cannot do that with cliches and banalities. It's a good idea to acknowledge what you would have to confront (fear in the face of death, say) but why on earth, for instance, would a flower gain from understanding “the preciousness of life”, if not the need to stay resolutely put in her greenhouse? Would you really expect to walk away from a day killing zombies with the idea that life is precious (and isn't that cliche well enough known to you already) or would you rather gain the fearless confidence needed to survive whatever the gods of wind and rain hurl at you once your greenhouse has come crashing down? In putting the question that way, however, I don't mean to suggest that you should return to the imagery of your first paragraph, but rather that you should think seriously about the actual things that that imagery was intended to convey, and how your having been a zombie killer would allow you to confront and navigate the everyday world where such things abide.

Best wishes, and keep writing.

EJ.
Submitted by: llin1993
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