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Why To Go To A Juvenile Rehab Facility - With A Free Essay Review



Dear Administrators of Monroe Township Middle School,

The Health students, myself included, would like to go to the Juvenile Rehabilitation Center for many reasons. The students would like to see the effects that drugs have on a person. Not only would we like to see the effects of drugs on a person’s health, but also on their social life and also to hear their stories, to actually see how hard it is to quit a drug after you have been addicted to it for a long period of time.

For one thing, we would like to see how a person looks after using drugs, and how they feel. We would like to see how their faces change. I know that after using crystal meth for a long time, your face ages incredibly fast and your face drops in a way. We would like to see these effects with our own eyes. We want to hear how these people. Hear how they used to vomit randomly at points after being on drugs. We want to hear if anyone there has had any near death experiences when dealing with overdoses.

We also would like to hear how drugs affected their social lives. It may start small, borrowing money from their friends to pay for his or her drug addiction. Then maybe stealing from your family. Your friends do not respect you any more after doing drugs, depending what friends they are. Your family has had enough of it and they disown you. So now you are homeless, poor, and lonely with no one around to help you. Showing that drugs not only affect your health, but your entire life. And also the lives of those around you.

Lastly, we would like to see how hard it is to be on drugs, and how hard it is to get off of them. We can see the mood swings, the cravings. How each person reacts differently to different drugs. The different stages of withdrawal. The agitation, the lack of sleep, the depression. Many people would do anything to get high again. The amount of self-control it takes to go through withdrawal without trying to get your drug of choice again is just astounding.

So if you’ve actually read the letter thouroughly, there should be no question but to send the youth to learn, to see and hear. To prevent us from making the mistakes that those in the facility have. Hopefully your conscious should make this decision extremely easy for you.

Sincerely,

The students of Health class

________________________________________

ESSAY REVIEW

The letter provides no context for the proposal it makes. That's fine as long as the intended reader is already aware of the proposal, but if that is not the case, you should begin by establishing the context. For example, if you have been studying drug abuse in class, and the idea for the visit came up there in the course of your discussion of the topic, begin by mentioning that.

Now the letter is a long list of things that you hope and apparently expect to experience during the proposed visit to the juvenile rehabilitation facility. The letter, however, does not articulate a reason for wanting to experience such things until the final paragraph, and it does that in the form of a fragment of a sentence ("to prevent us from making the mistakes that those in the facility have). Moreover, the letter doesn't just say what you want to see and hear, but also presumes to instruct your reader on what one would see and hear. You do, of course, have an answer for why you want to see what you already know you will see: you want to see it with your own eyes. But you don't explain why you want to see it with your own eyes, why you think that direct experience will have the effect you desire. And that is what I think your letter most needs to do: convince the reader that there is an important difference between the abstract knowledge of the impact of drugs on youth (knowledge that you already have) and concrete exposure to the physical bodies and spoken stories of those who have endured the life of a drug addict. Your letter focuses on explaining what you think you will experience; I think you need to focus on explaining what you think the experience will do for you. So tell your reader why you are in need of this experience (what risks do you face in relation to drug abuse) and what impact you think the experience will have on you, and why.

You should probably also try to anticipate the reasons why the administrators might object to the proposed visit. Explain why they shouldn't be worried about whatever you think they might be worried about (perhaps the problems you hope to avoid by visiting the facility are much more serious than the problems administrators might hope to avoid by preventing such a visit).

Finally, the phrase "if you've actually read the letter thoroughly [note spelling correction]" is unnecessary, and comes off as a little condescending, and I suspect that administrators will not take well to being condescended to, since they probably think of themselves as terribly important people.

Best, EJ.

P.S., I've removed real-world names for the sake of submitter's privacy.
Submitted by: Ronnic
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