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My American Dream - With A Free Essay Review



My Name is Garrcelle Miata Burgess. I was born in Montego Bay, Jamaica on October 21, 199. My nicknames are Miata, Celly, and Cuddle Monster. My favorite names are Aleece for a girl and Jaiden for a boy. My favorite hobbies are singing and hanging out with friends.

When I grow up I want a 3 level floor house. I want three big bathrooms, a huge kitchen and dining room, preferably a pool and play ground in the backyard. I want 3 cars, a BMW, Blue Mustang, and a van. I would like to live in California close to a beach or in Paris.

After graduating from Greater Atlanta Adventist Academy I plan to go to Georgia Southern University or Southern Adventist University to major in physical therapy to evaluate, diagnose and treat injuries, functional boundaries and disabilities in patients. I’m going to spend at least six years in college. I plan to have a private practice after college.

My name is Garrcelle. According to research Garrcelle doesn’t really have a meaning but, it’s French. My parents named me Garrcelle after Garcelle Beauvais she was a star in the Jamie Foxx show. If I had a chance to change my name it would be Paris Marie.

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ESSAY REVIEW

Your essay is titled "My American Dream," but it doesn't really say much about the American dream as a concept or about how your aspirations might relate to that concept, which is to say, there is nothing particularly "American," as far as I can tell (speaking as a non-American) about your dream, aside from, perhaps, the size of the house that you aspire to own. None of that really matters very much if the point of your essay is merely to list a few of the things that you want in life, but if that is the only point of your essay, then it is probably doomed to being no more than a list. If you want to make an essay out of the list, however, you might consider incorporating your thoughts on the American dream and what it means to you. For what it is worth, I think your list is a good list, and I hope you get your nice house and your three cars. I get bored driving the same car every day, so I understand your wish to have three, though I should warn you that it is hard to find a house with a three-car garage in Paris. Since this is an essay review, I should probably mention that there's no need for that comma between "but" and "it's" in your third-to-last sentence; if you want to emphasize the Frenchness of the name, stick the comma after "meaning." Your penultimate sentence has a run-on, beginning at “she,” so use a period (full-stop) or semi-colon to separate the two independent clauses. You might also stick a comma after "name" in the last sentence to separate the subordinate clause ("If I had etc.") from the main (independent) clause ("it would be etc.).

Best wishes, and I hope your dreams, whether American or not, come true.

EJ.
Submitted by: gburgess
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