16, lonely 16… I was one of those dark girls, which you read about in the paper’s suicide column. I hated myself. Fed up with life, and all it’s twists and fractures. I went to my closest friend for help. Any kind of help. To my surprise he didn’t propose the new drug on the market, nor sex with some random willing guy. Not even the simplest of all, mutilation. No, he suggested talking to you… Very sceptical, I decided to take a chance since Vince thought very highly of you.



My plan was to befriend you. While you take my mind off things I would gain enough of your trust to sort out my skeletons. Unexpectedly my plan almost ran out under me. You trusted me from the beginning. I though, was not convinced, so I held back a few weeks. Then came the day… the day I told you about you about my hidden self. I carefully started with slow, soft words. Alas, you already knew everything! Your reputable intelligence has given you the upper hand. Knowing all about my secrets, and me, gave you tremendous power over me. Curiously you didn’t use it against me. Quite contrary, you stayed with me, not even confronting me. Baffling indeed. Having nothing to lose any more I showed you the scars of previous “cutting sessions”. Grabbing a hold on my arm to inspect the scars, you laughed with a mocking smile. With your head raising, our eyes met. You stopped, and spoke words that cannot be forgotten: “Why don’t you let me show you how to do it correctly? I’ll only have to demonstrate it once”. You said with a smile. With tearing eyes and a confused mind, I turned and ran. Ran away. It didn’t matter where. I just had to get away, and ponder about what just happened.



A day past. Thoughts where pounding my aching brain: You rejected me? How can that be? You and your talents, where famous under the kids. A legend under the girls. Handsome, cute, understanding, kind hearted, wise and intelligence was the popular description of you. How sad could I be! The most kind-hearted guy in the school rejected me with a flare! The more I thought about this matter, the more I hated you. The hate for you kept growing, until it reached a threshold. To spite the most hated one, I’d have to do something drastic. Deciding on self-mutilation, I added three to five incisions in my collection of scars and bruises. Anticipating the face you’ll express in the moment of shock, in finding the scars, I rushed to school that Friday. The perfect day: Closing day of the term!



By now people know about the friction between us. As usual, you were in the middle of the four surrounding classes. Entertaining four classes at once was never a problem for you; on the contrary you loved it. Full of confidence I walked up to you, causing an ear deafening silence. Our eyes met, as before. Suddenly I announce the hate towards you, and present the evidence. There it was. The long awaited expression I dreamt of. It is if I stabbed a sword right through your heart. I could see your very soul crying, but you kept your pose. Trying to not show true emotion, you forced a smile. Every heart of four classes hanging on your lips, awaiting a reply. Ears listening intenty. Not knowing what to expect. At last you stand up straight. I attempted to launch another attack, but was deflected with an effortless reply: “tsss…”. Short, but enough to stop me. Retaliating with a short but sharp knife, you say: “Ha! This is awesome! I can hurt you with out even lifting a finger!” You struck harder and deeper then any of my swords could ever hope. The girls witnessing this kept their tears back. Until I broke. When you broke me. The surrounding girls looked like their puppies just bit the dust… and I led them. When my first tear hit the floor it was a chain reaction. My tear set off the rest of them. Tears dripping everywhere. You walked away, with a cold, dead face you observed all of them. Disappearing behind the classroom door, all hell broke loose. The crying intensified… None of us will forget that day.



A vacation later…

Though my self-mutilation has stopped to, once more, spite you, my hate for you has grown.

We ran into each other in the fall of yet another term. Ironically we met in the same spot as the previous encounter. Both you and me just standing, watching. Preparing for the opponents next move. Our crowd gathered, similar to last time. A circle formed around us, your half larger then mine. We all heard about your fights. Ironically you protected girls at parties, physically even. Truth be told the idea ticks me off. The crowd, once more hanging on your lips. Holding their breath, not even blinking. Suddenly, you move. You head straight to me. “Will he really go physical on me?” I thought, scared to death. Close my eyes the moment before you reached me. I release a yelp of fear and brace for impact. A breeze against my cheek shocks my nerves. On opening my eyes, I caught a glimpse of you moving past me. With the same cold face, you say in a muffled voice: “sorry”. I could feel something inside of me “click”. I acted without thinking, grabbed your arm and flung you around. Obviously scaring the crap out of you, I cry: “Kyle told me everything!”. The crowd were as startled as you. For once the attention was on me as I uncovered your true plan:



“I know about everything! I know you were crying at friends. Begging for advise, but they could not give any. You tried to scare me when you offered lessons on mutilation. The hate for you was not apart of the plan! That’s why the new scars took such a toll on you. When I declared my hate, you were devastated, but wisdom kicked in just in time. By telling me to cut myself, you knew I wouldn’t, just to spite you! As for my hate, you thought it would be better to hate you, then to hate myself. Thus eliminating my self-hate and self-mutilation in one go! You figured it would be better if you carried all the pain.”



By the time I said this I was crying so hard I simply couldn’t continue. Once more I was a fuse, setting of the rest off the female crowd. In the midst of a crying crowd you took a step back. You darted your eyes towards the ground to decrease the chance of a tear escaping… you held them all back, save one. It rolled over your cheek and lost its grip at your chin. It seemed like time itself, stoped to watch the disturbance happen. The instant your tear hit the ground you grabbed me and finished the argument with a final display… A kiss.